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Birthday Present For The Woman Who Has Everything

Discussion in 'General' started by In Your Corner, Dec 6, 2023.

  1. In Your Corner

    In Your Corner Dungeonesque Crab AI Version

    My wife's birthday is tomorrow and I managed to come
    up with a once-in-a-lifetime gift for her, something I
    know she needs but doesn't have. I am giving her this
    lovely urn (she loves giraffes) along with a wallet card
    with a phone number for her to call 24 hours a day, 365
    days a year so when I croak they will come and pick up
    my corpse and whisk it off to my prepaid cremation. Is
    that thoughtful or what?
    I call it the RIP IYC Kit. One call and I'm scrubbed from
    her life like I was never there (except for the mantel decoration).


    I'm betting this will buy me some romance.
    One look at that urn and the cremation contract and
    she'll be on me like ten chickens on a June bug.
    JBall likes this.
  2. BrentA

    BrentA Very expensive.

    If there's an acceptable ditch located on your property, it might be considerate if you include a 'gift receipt.'
  3. Razr

    Razr Well-Known Member

    I never knew you were so romantic. I guarantee she will love this idea :D
  4. GixxerJohn011

    GixxerJohn011 Well-Known Member

    So is that 24/7/365 number a no questions asked kind of thing? Asking for a friend.
    sharkattack, Zoomie, Phl218 and 2 others like this.
  5. In Your Corner

    In Your Corner Dungeonesque Crab AI Version

    I have to admit, she knows this is coming because there were
    several giraffe-themed urns available so I let her choose
    so she would be sure to keep me on display. There is the problem
    of her not having a mantel but I can't do everything.

    Come to think of it, the gift receipt is a good idea, might as well cover
    all of the bases. Hey, seventy bucks is seventy bucks, and if she does
    decide to keep me in the closet it might as well be in the cheap urn
    included with the package.
    Mister, I like the cut of your jib.

    The whole shebang was amazingly cheap, $69.99 for the urn,
    free shipping and $1295 for the cremation, which includes
    pickup at any time, the burn (two cremation units, no waiting)
    and a cheap urn and all paperwork filed with the state and
    federal gubmint, which will be a big help to her, I'm certain.
    They will also post an obituary online if you supply one.
    My cheap Yankee soul was thrilled.

    All she has to do is make the one simple call to unfortunately have
    to inform the world of the terrible, heartbreaking news, and then
    later on, go to the funeral home to pick me up and if she brings the
    giraffe urn they will be happy to switch me over from the cheap urn.

    The only possible extra expense might be a $100 upcharge if
    I kick the bucket at home because they need to send an extra
    guy to carry me out (they explained that it just doesn't look
    good for them to drag your earthly remains out the front door).

    She is also aware because I don't drive much at the moment
    so she drove me to the funeral home/crematorium to sign ze
    papers, old man (and pre-pay, of course). As we were leaving,
    the guy gave me a friendly "See you later" to which I replied,
    "You'll be seeing me again but I won't be seeing you" and then
    I chuckled at my own joke because Jacob sure wasn't laughing.

    To be fair, he's probably heard that one so many times that
    all he can do is sigh when he hears it yet one more time.
    Oh well, most funeral home humor falls flat anyway, something
    about the smell of attar and the corpses strewn about the place,
    I suspect. It's not exactly the Comedy Store.

    But I digress...
    Yes, this is a romantic gift but it's also just such a practical gift.
    I suggest that some of you other guys who are getting on in years
    take a page out of The Love Doctor's book and give her the gift
    of prepaid funeral arrangements, I guarantee she will be thrilled.

    All of her friends will be so jealous they will storm home and
    demand that their husbands also give them the gift that keeps on
    giving and giving throughout the eons and for all eternity.
    Plus you become a family keepsake, the kids will fight over who has
    to take your beautifully packaged cremains home with them.
    Boman Forklift likes this.
  6. In Your Corner

    In Your Corner Dungeonesque Crab AI Version

    So long as someone at the scene can positively identify the body, yes.
  7. Razr

    Razr Well-Known Member

    For complete peace of mind, you both need to sign up.
  8. Wheel Bearing

    Wheel Bearing Professional low sider

    If a giraffe wore a tie, would it be worn right below his head or at the base of the neck?
    Sabre699 and Phl218 like this.
  9. Phl218

    Phl218 .


    But to your point- very considerate present.
  10. Phl218

    Phl218 .

    the internet is torn

  11. YamahaRick

    YamahaRick Yamaha Two Stroke Czar

    Here's something more important that you can do: have all your financial information well documented and easily available.

    My father put all major assets in both his and my mother's name.

    He had a will made out a long time before he passed away, leaving everything to my mom.

    I'm now the executor of my mom's estate, and even with it all going to me as per her will, it is still a PITA process to go through.

    Oh, and BTW ... if Wells Fargo learns that an account holder has passed, they lock the account and make it damn near impossible to recover.
  12. Gixxerguy855

    Gixxerguy855 Well-Known Member

    Off thread topic, but kinda on topic, my parents just took me to their burial plot location and stood on the ground where they’ll be, kinda weird and morbid, but it sure took a lot of the questions out of it that would have come fairly soon.

    on topic, I gave my wife all of the veteran info and numbers for the Arlington National Cemetery and DoD death requirements so she could have it squared away pretty simple too! Made it super easy, although an urn with a giraffe is pretty cool!
  13. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    My parents have their stuff all prearranged, just call one of the local funeral homes and they'll take it from there, according to my mother.
  14. StaccatoFan

    StaccatoFan My 13 year old is faster than your President

    Well I’m feeling all chipper and full of life after reading this.
  15. Phl218

    Phl218 .

    it's never too early to prepare the lights out situation. especially racers, or motorcyclists in general. sad reality.
  16. stickboy274

    stickboy274 Stick-a-licious Tire Dude

    My opinion, bow tie at the head, long tie at the base of the neck. Look at Phil's pictures to see why.
  17. Pneumatico Delle Vittorie

    Pneumatico Delle Vittorie Retired "Tire" Guy

    You need to call[​IMG]
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2023

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