Think i'm going to keel a Keebler Elf today

So i grew up eating Danish Wedding cookies. Love em. Have not had them in years. So i'm with the wife at the grocery store a couple of days ago and i see them on the top shelf on the cookie isle and kind of mumble "damn i used to love those things". So i get home last night and my wife tells me she has a surprise for me, the box is sitting on the counter. Hell Yeah! So all night i'm thinking about busting that bitch open when i get to work with a fresh cup of joe. I get here, pour my coffee, open the box and reach in. These motherfuckers barely have ANY powdered sugar on them! When did the elves start licking all the sugar off my damn cookies? I will kill them all!

 

Dude, the recession has hit us short people too! Want more sugar on your cookies? Tell people to Quit buying cookies made by short people in Asia and buy from us short people right here in the U-S-A.

And we short people always pack heat so if you're gonna come at us, better come hard or we'll f@ck you up keebler style!

 

Keebler style = head shot. Note that a keebler style head shot would wind up in a normal person's junk.

Depending on what part it hits, it still could be a head shot.

 

It's the guberments fault the sugar is missing on your cookies, it's not healthy for ya......

 

I think I found my signature quote

 

Huh. Did not even relate this to the recession. This is getting close to dungeon material.....KILL THE ELVES!!!