The stuff you hear your kid say…

“Can you hand me a real sharp knife mom?”…

 

I didn't do it

 

Grandson asks "can batteries set off bullets?" me, why....his response "just wonderin"

 

Do farts have chunks?

 

Where do we keep the extinguisher?

 

That wasn't nice Daddy.....

 

I don't know where Grandma's teeth are.

 

Why was mom screaming?

 

Show off....

 

Best bit my daughter ever threw at me. She was probably 6 or so.....

Her: Papa, you have lots of gray hairs!
Me: Yup. I get a new one every time you argue with me.
Her: No, you don't.

 

My daughter at about five years old one Sunday afternoon while I was in the kitchen and she was watching television:

Her: "Daddy there's racing on the TV." (she used to watch MotoGP's with me)
Wondering what could be on as there was no GP that weekend, I stuck my head into the living room to see NASCAR on the screen.
Me: "That's not the racing I like, that's just Billy Bob and John Boy going round and round."
A minute or so later from the living room "Which one is Billy Bob?"

 

"Half of them..."

 

"I want to be a lawyer like you, daddy."
"Ok why ?"
"Because I like taking away people's rights.

 

I love hot dogs and I always told my daughter that I only eat the good hot dogs because they were made with chicken lips.

She traveled with me running parts all the time and was very independent so we stop for lunch one day and she always has to order for herself. She tells the server that she would like a "good" hot dog. The server chuckles and asked her what a good hot dog was and my daughter replied "the ones made with chicken lips."

 

Our daughter was about 4 or 5, her grandfather was climbing a tree with a chainsaw to cut a hanging branch. Grandma, and their son (only 9 months older than ours) watching... Grandma: Carl, be careful you dont cut your arm off. Young son: Yeah dad, dont cut your leg off, and fall. Our kid at the top of her lungs... "YEAH GRANDPA, DON'T CUT YER PENIS OFF". He almost fell out of the tree laughing. I was like, YEP, no doubt that is my smart ass self, in that child. Ski

 

My 6 year old nephew who was racing motocross at this point:
Sitting in a restaurant celebrating my 31st birthday with my family when I noticed my nephew had started crying
Grandma: Whats wrong Alex
Nephew: nuthin
Grandma: Then why are you crying?
Nephew: Now that Unkabulls 31, he's too old to race
Grandma: Only if he had any sense
Nephew: So Unkabull are we racing next weekend?

NOTE: I have no idea why all my nieces and nephews called me Unkabull, Even my Grandniece call me that.

 

Uncle Bill. Unka Bull.

Seems easy to figure out.

 

<Trying to guess what mispronounced name turns into Mongo...>