I have a situation that I have come across and am not sure what to do. I have this lady that I work with and through much conversation over the past six months I have found out that she is being severly abused by her husband. I have seen the evidence of this for a period of time but she has never come out and said it. She also feels that she doesn't have the ability to (to scared) to contact the authorities. She lives a couple towns over from me about 40 or 50 miles away. If you fell upon this situation what would you do? I think I know what I would do, but I don't want to do the wrong thing. Also as some asked there are 3 children in the house with them.
Are there children in the house? If so, you must contact authorities if she will not. If there are no children involved you should try to convince her to leave and go to a shelter, relative, whoever, get a restraining order. At least convince her to talk to authorities to find out what her options are. Most LE now have domestic abuse services that are very supporting and understanding. If you contact authorities against her will and this results in her getting seriously hurt...
I would definitely try VERY hard to get her to make the call to the authorities herself. Especially with children involved. Getting involved personally can end up causing problems for you, both legally and safety wise. In this, I mean approaching the parties directly. If you simply can't get her to do it, place an "anonymous" phone call to report the situation and see if the authorities follow up.
Most communities have some organization to get the message out to help prevent domestic abuse. Call them now. They can give you the best advice for your area as there are variations in the laws in different jurisdictions. They do take any report seriously and I am relatively certain it can be doen anonymously. The woman's situation is bad enough, but the kids need someone to look out ofr their interests if the woman is to frightened to do so.
Thank you for the info. I will not have access to a computer for the next several hours (heading to court) but I do not want to do the wrong thing so any and all ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Andrew
Andrew - been there done this, if they don't want help there isn't a damned thing you can do but be supportive.
If she isn't calling herself then you calling won't help the situation because I guarantee as soon as the cops show to take him away she won't press charges. All you can do is be supportive.
Been there....seen that very thing happen. Encourage her to do what's right for her children (it's not just her that's in danger).
I'm of the opinion that if you see a crime in progress, regardless of the crime, you are obligated to report it. What happens after that is not your responsibility, but you've done your civic duty.
True - if I see a guy beating his SO he's going to have some pretty major issues right then. But knowing about it or seeing the aftermath is a bit different. Reporting it at that point can do more harm than good if she's not willing to pursue it - it's sad as hell but it's no less true.
Some people will get mad at you for trying to help. Easier than placing blame where it belongs. I say try got get her to file charges. If she won't, that's her issue.
No doubt, but sometimes people get mighty pissed at you even when you do the right thing. Doesn't make a difference to me. I'm not qualified to give counseling, that's the primary reason why I wouldn't attempt to give her advice. Reporting the crime might introduce professionals qualifed to help her more than anything I could say.
The other cynical possibility is that not only won't she press charges or leave but he will be angry at her for having told someone and beat her because of it. If the woman really believes she has no options you may just be a sounding board. If so, I agree with the other comments, be supportive for as long as you can. But also realize that in pretty much any unhealthy situation if nothing changes you will eventually reach your limit and need some distance.
There are no winners. After reading all the posts, I am not as sure about my original position. If I did nothing and she ended up dead, I would feel like shit for doing nothing. If I told the authorities and she were killed because of it, I would feel like shit. Where you been Robert?
I've been busy. Or running away, depending on who you listen to. If I though someone was going to get killed I would always call the police. But at least the couple of times I've bumped into this, the women had no self-esteem and it went on literally for years.
Therein lies the problem. You never really know until it happens. On further reflection, I think I would let someone know.
In this situation it's better to err on the other side unless you can put yourself in a position the abuser knows you called and not her - or you can be sure they won't blame her. Seriously, this is one where YOU calling the cops without her getting out can and usually does result in her getting hurt worse than if you did nothing.
