Is racing really worth it? Read after the GNF!

I was going to post this in the thread about Scott's accident, as it is clearly related, but I don't want to divert the attention from him by starting a discussion. I'm struggling with my decision to race on Saturday. Worse, I almost feel guilty of the elation I felt when I finally got my act together in Sunday's last race. Part of me thinks that this somehow makes me a bad person, although I did not know Scott personally.

That "racing guilt" seems to keep finding opportunities to increase over time. For some reason, my father has been pleading with me all year to quit, after merely suggesting it last year. So I have been questioning my priorities: is the rush I get from pushing my motorcycle to the edge worth the pain I would inflict on my parents if something happened to me? Saturday's tragedy has brought these questions back to the forefront in rather brutal fashion. I've read the things written by Scott's family and friends, and no one has even hinted at any kind of resentment towards him for leaving them behind. Yet I can't help thinking that we are being selfish by taking risks that we clearly do not have to take. As horrible as a fatal accident sounds, the people left behind still get the worst part of the deal. I fire up my bike for each race fully aware of this. And that's what I'm struggling with: I would much prefer not to ever have thought about this. That would make things a lot easier by letting me ride guilt-free. But I was raised by parents who have been telling me for 30 years that the worse thing any parent can ever have to endure is the burial of their child, and that no parents should have to go through that. They tell me that the normal order of things is for children to bury their parents. So I don't have the excuse of not having thought about that before.

My ex-girlfriend just left here. Actually, I asked her to go home: I was running out of excuses as she was begging me not to go to the GNF next week. And that was coming from a woman who engaged to get married to someone else. If the idea of me not making it to the checkered flag can do this to her, how much worse must that be on my parents? I have thought about not buying another bike when I sell the RC this winter. But I know what will happen: winter will come and last forever. And I'll have nothing but time to think about racing. Then spring will approach, and I'll go hunting for a new ride again, making all sorts of excuses along the way for why I need to do this. But the truth is, I don't. Racing is not a vital bodily function. I won't die from not racing.

So I ask you the same question I posed a couple of months ago when I went through my confidence slump after the July crash: am I the only one? Is this highly abnormal? Is there anyone else out there who wonders why they do this? In the column I wrote for Roadracing World after Daytona, I explained why I love racing and have changed my mind every time I've thought of giving it up. And every one of those reasons as just as valid today as it was in March. But they only work in the abstract. It's a lot easier to say such things when you have never seen a fellow racer's body get covered by a white sheet on the racetrack. Something changed this weekend. Like I told Mongo Saturday night, I always knew it could happen. I had never been faced with the reality that it does.

Sorry if I freaked out anyone with this. Laying out my thoughts in writing has always had a therapeutic effect on me. And as I've already established, I'm kind of selfish.

 

Your not alone with your feelings of guilt at times, but you know that it will come and go. At times it does seem silly, to put yourself in harms way just for the pursuit of excitement. On the other hand maybe it helps you appreciate everything else that life has to offer if you take a risk every now and again. Of course I havent witnessed anything like what you did this weekend.

 

Mr. Thiam,

You obviously are facing an issue that a lot of us have faced in the past days. Scott's passing is an extremely unfortunate occurance that coresponds with an activity we all partake in. The answer you are seeking is there, the question is, are you man enough to act on it. Life is so easily lived for tomorrow...try living today, that is where people find the difficulty. If you constantly wait to decide, ultimately, the true decision is never made. If the weight of another racers death weighs so heavily upon you, do you feel you might have allready made the decision, and your strife is that of acceptance?

The subject of your post asks for the value of racing...the act of racing, in and of itself, can be what you may, or may not be, looking for. If you want safe competition, join a chess club. If, despite the horrible tragedy that befel all of us this past Saturday, you find elation in your ability as a racer, then continue racing.

Racing on a motorcycle, in competition with other riders, is a dangerous sport/pastime/thrill. Do you find amusement rides thrilling? or Boring? - most racers find them boring, for the controlled environment of an amusement park does not foster the same mystique.

Your post is one that looks for justification of your actions, justification you are unable to find in yourself.

I do not, nor could I, provide the answer you are looking for, no one can. It boils down to your desire to attain that elation, or move on, and look for your elation elsewhere.

We are all aware of what it is we find on the race track. The question you must ask yourself is, do you want to look for it anymore?

dud

[This message has been edited by DudleyDoRight (edited 10-17-2001).]

 

Papa:

No, you're not alone. It's a state of mind we all get from time to time. You just put your thoughts, fears, emotions, whatever you want to call them, on display. You said it well, BTW.

Every February, I ask myself if I really want to put up with 12-14 hour race days to do what I can to get most of the racers through the weekend without them getting hurt or thier equipment busted up. I don't take "you did a good job" comments well on Sunday evenings. I know someone is nursing a sore body home, or is waiting for x-ray results, an MRI, or still in surgery. Or worse.

The last race of a season can leave a bad taste in your mouth. Evelynne, Sean, and a number of others can recall very somber Sunday night awards banquets at the GNF, yet we still come back. WHY we come back the following year is hard to express. I can't answer for the others, but for me, it's the people I've met at the track that brings me back.

It's certainly not the endless hours of travel, rain, heat, cold, humidity, or world-class creature comforts some tracks offer.

------------------
George
THE Rain Director

 

Hey, who are you calling "Mister?"

Seriously, I don't know that I'm necessarily looking for someone to answer this for me. I'm just thinking that reading what others think their personal answer might reveal to me what mine is. Does this make any sense? I don't really know anymore.

 

Papa - a very thought provoking question. To bare my sole a little, my dad was my best pal and he "left" at the early age of 56, due to cancer. His dad died at the same age from the same kind of cancer. When I turned 56, in great health and still full of piss and vinegor, I was over the "hump" of following tradition. Until '97 when my son won the WERA D-Superbike Novice Championship and my brother noticed a "spot" on my sunburned back. After too much time I went to the Dr. and, you got it, cancer at stage 3 and I'm so damn scared I can't talk. Well I'm "ok" now but still carry the guilt that my best pal is gone and I "made it".

I have found, perhaps too late, what is important in life. My health, a good spirit, friends I can count on, folks I truly love, my family and stuff I like to do like BBS'in with the craziest here on the WERA BBS. I'm going racing this spring on my beloved FZR400 as a "crusty" at 58 yrs. - because I can! I won't knock Lee Acree off the box, but if I can be at the best of MY ability and push the my limits a little, hell I've won.

So, cast your guilt aside, but keep your compasion. You may dump "Miss Piggy" and get some road rash, but that's life. There is a plan for everybody and I am solidly convince my "awakening" came when I found out about the "C" word. Simply, all of a sudden alot of shit just was no longer important! Make YOUR decision and go for it!

To bring a little humor in - from what I can tell the life you live with ex girl friends, Ford trucks blah, blah sounds a whole lot more scarey for your parents than riding a pig RC with pretty red leathers on!

Ask yourself, what would Scott want me to do?Look for the sun brother, it's behind every cloud!

 

Papa,

I apreciate the forum in which to discuss the feelings we all share, as well as hold within ourselves.

As for your making sense? Of course, for your questions are not limited to you alone, nor are any answers we all may find, together.

I have found myself saying, to myself, "we are not supposed to die..." But the quick retort tells me I am being naive...if the possible mortality of the action was not present, the action would not carry the same effect...

 

Dave, your answer is a true inspiration. But in a way, I feel it only reiforces my feeling that these pursuits are somewhat selfish. Isn't part of living our lives to the fullest making sure that we make the people we love happy? If it is, I just went in a circle: taking full advantage of the one life I have been given requires that I put myself ahead of my parents. But consider this: I have degrees from two Ivy League schools, a commercial airplane pilot certificate, a nice truck, a cool race bike, etc. 90% of the work that went into getting these was done by my parents. I was just along for the ride. Nothing I own came to me because I deserved it. Yeah, I was the one doing the studying in school, but they were paying for it. Letting anything happen to me is tantamount to flushing all their work down the toilet. Yet not making the most of my life is also a terrible waste. I guess you can see why I'm occasionally struggling with my choices.

 

Thiam, I asked myself the same question earlier this year after having someone I had just met the day before pass away in front of me. I put my bike up for sale and told my wife I would try to find some safer hobbies, but I couldn't do it when the time came. I love flying, water skiing and motorcycles and have been hurt and have had friends hurt and killed doing the same sports but these are the things that I love doing. The last thing I ever want to do is leave my family and friends but I don't want to have any regrets by not enjoying life to the fullest every chance I get whether it's spending time with my family or on a bike. You have to live with the decisions you make so do what makes you happy and make every day count to the max no matter what you do.

 

Papa if you wake up and are happy then you are making the most of your life. If you love racing then race, if not find something you love and do it. I stood out on Broadway tonight and it reinforced they way I live. I do what makes me happy. I always have. If something happens to you it isn't flushing anything down the toilet. You could slip in the shower tomorrow and break your neck. Then if you hadn't been doing something that you loved that would be the true tragedy.

 

Papa, does racing make you happy? Are you passionate about it? If racing were no longer a part of your life, would you feel like you were missing a vital part of who you are?

I know I don't have the years of experience that some of the others here do, but I've been involved in racing for half my life now. When I was still fairly young, one of the drivers for my favorite sports car team was killed at LeMans. He was only in his early 20's. Right then I understood the risks involved in this sport, yet I've not only continued my involvement, but started racing myself. Motorcycles, no less. Why? Because this is my passion. This is a large part of what makes me who I am. If I got out of racing, I would no longer be the same person. I am willing to accept the risks to be true to myself.

Do I ever feel guilt? Yes. I'm an only child and my mother admits that my riding makes her nervous. But, as she says, I was always raised to "go for it" and if this is what I want to do, then I should do it. As for feeling guilt because I finish unscathed while other racers get injured or even killed, yes, I can relate. I thank God every time I make it through another day, especially a day on the track. My turn might be coming someday; I don't know. But in the meantime, I plan to enjoy the thrill of racing and the wonderful friendships I've developed because of it.

Look at all the fatalities there are on public roads every year. Just last week a 23-year old man was killed at the intersection to our apartment complex. The same age as me! If we really looked at some of the routine things we do in life, there are just as many risks as in racing. The argument, of course, is that we choose to race. But if racing is an irreplaceable part of your life, and makes you happy, then it's not really as much of a choice as it appears.

 

This is what's making this so difficult. The question is whether I should sacrfice my happiness for that of my parents. They can't even begin to imagine how miserable I would be without motorcycles. But if telling them ends up making them feel guilty, then it defeats the purpose of trying to make them happy. Crap, I'm getting dizzy from going in circles.

 

i have an idea. go to the gnf. the first really nice chance to practice, good weather not to cold, dont go out. instead go and watch it. see how it makes you feel. if you enjoy it, you can safely quit, but if, like me, it drives you nuts not to be out there with them, and all you do is think how much faster you are than that guy. then you will never be happy without it. this is where i'm at too.

 

AMEN!!! Brother!

 

I cheated...and read this before the GNF...Looks like everyone else did too.

Ugh...why must you post this now? Must sleep on this, will post two page response tomorrow.

Believe it or not, I'm in the same boat

 

I suspect that everyone of us has had these feelings more than a couple times. For me, my wife tells me before every race (while holding our son), "Be careful, and remember what you have to come back to." She's not telling me not to race, just not to take unnessary risks (of course, beyond the risk that is racing!). Yes, I suspect that has gotten to me and made me even slower, but who cares? Sometimes I do feel guilty, but I often think if I don't do this (racing)now, will I ever get to do it and will I regret not doing it later? Has your dad gone to see a race? My dad too was a little nervous about it, but after he went to a race, he relaxed and now doesn't worry as much (maybe because he saw how slow I was!). If fact, he had a blast and was telling me that I was breaking too early in a couple spots! I think he would rather see me racing than going out partying and driving drunk like he used to (thank God he finally quit that!) When people ask my wife if she is nervous about it, she replies "yes, but he is doing something he loves to do."

I doubt any of this helps you, but you ain't the only one... If you aren't having fun, don't do it, otherwise, be as careful as you can! (And get a lightweight, they are usually a little more forgiving than Miss Piggy!)

 

What he said!!!!

I don't want to have an "accident" on the track but my wife & parents have accepted the fact that it may happen(this hasn't been a good yr for that). If you enjoy racing then do it if not then ride on the street and take your chances there.

Randy

 

Papa,

I firmly believe the question is not, "Is it worth it?", but rather, "Am I ready for what God may put before me and/or Am I at peace should I die right here right now?".

Since I started racing in 1987, I have personally witnessed or been involved in (On the racetrack) 2 deaths and two below the waist paralysis crashes. 2 of these folks were/are close friends.

I can think of a thousand ways to die. The racetrack represents one of them. I won't waste anyone's time with, "Slipping off the toilet seat" death stories.

I enjoy racing and life. I am willing/prepared for what God may put before me. I will not give in to my fears that will prevent me from experiencing what God has to offer in my life.

Good luck with your decision, and look forward to seeing you at the GNF.