I'd delete it if I could

Yes my son, what can I do for you this time?

and quit calling me every time you're jerking off. I got more to do then listen to you 10 times a day.

 

Damn Steeltoe just take the beat down. All the prevaricating will make it worse.

 

Well for starters you can teach Carlton how to navigate this place. Hell, I can do it why can't he?

Wait....nevermind.

 

Yeap.

Sean, can't remember, you chew tobacco/ do that skoal shit?

 

Nah I kinda like this one now. I wanna keep it. Since I told y'all jokers I never could delete it in the first place.

 

The best live gnome butt kissing involved NHMS Security. Justin was the new Security guy, kind of big, kind of dumb. We had a messy Saturday on the track with lots of cleanups.
Numb nuts walked into the Media Center Sunday morning and mused out loud, "I wonder how many oil spills we'll have today." He said it again a few minutes later. Anne-Marie, our Series Director, told me about it. After some discussion, we agreed that there should be some sort of punishment.

I got in my golf cart and found him on pit lane. I walked up to him and held out two penalty gnomes with their bare butts facing him.

"You caused some bad ju ju in the Media Center with your comments. I'm going to have to insist that you kiss these gnomes."

"What?"

"I said you're gonna have to kiss these two gnomes to undo what you said in the Media Center."

"You're shittin' me, right?"

"No, I am dead fucking serious! Kiss these gnomes!"

We went back and forth for about ten minutes, he was really freaking out over it. I finally got him to kiss one of them.

He didn't last the summer. The best story I heard about him was that he called in and said he wouldn't be able to make it to work because he had no clean underwear.

 

And just what are you muttering my name in vain about this time? I'm really bored right now and I could call all sorts on plagues on your sorry ass if you continue to call me out.
Dave K is faking that he is me. He's full of it. (But he's right on one thing. Quit calling me every time you're jerking off.)

 

Hey Sean, do you still have your bagger? I'll bring mine. We could have fun! You sir are dead meat...ha, ha.
Jim

 

Ok so like, I aint never said this to the Lawd but, you can suck it.

 

Verily, you are screwed.

The End