Grandma's Will Advice and Dealing with Family

Beeb nerds...

So here's the jist. Grandma passed, its ok, she was like a billion and lived an awesome life. Eternal Life Fucker-Upper Uncle is the executor of her will, as our dad (his brother) has long been passed away. My cousin (his son from his first marriage that he fucked up) has also not been talking to him on account of he was tired of having to deal with all his retarded life choices and maniac alcoholism. So that's great. Anyways...

We have no idea what's in the will honestly. At least it seems as of today he's STARTING to get the wheels in motion, but I'm not holding my breath. What it looks like is... there's a bank account with some amount of something in it, that he also has access to cause he was paying her bills. There's the deposit from her retirement home condo, that we THINK is going to just be deposited into that account that he has the access to. On top of that, it seems HE is going to say that my grandma promised him the retirement home deposit as his portion of inheritance verbally, but its not in writing in the will. There's a small stock portfolio. Then there's this small insurance trust she's had forever that was supposed to be half to my uncle and half to my dad, which i think in turn automatically becomes 1/4th to me and 1/4th to my brother. So my questions...

1) IF the will says that the estate (not counting the trust thing, but the other 3 parts) is to be divided to me, my cousin, my brother and doesn't name him... does he have any ground to stand on with the condo deposit or the fact that he can access that bank account that could magically all of a sudden potentially have a bunch of money in it? Or he gets shafted based on what's in writing? Or will we have to take him to court, and in that time he could still run with the cash? Any way he could do anything with the investment portfolio stuff if he's the one contacting Merrill Lynch but he's not named as getting any of that asset in the will?

2) I assume even if he's not named, he could just take the money from that bank account and just disappear (which is a possibility). What steps could we take to ensure he doesn't just drain that account? Or there are none and I gotta hope for the best behavior here?

3) We were basically waiting for him to act, get the death certificate, contact the parties involved, but is there anything we should be doing with regards to the stock account or the trust to ensure he doesn't try anything sneaky? Anything we can do with the will to also ensure that? I've never been part of a will before, so I don't know the process. Will the lawyer ensure that we're all read the will and that he can't just try to tell us something different circumventing the lawyer? Or can he get things released and just try to tell us what our portion is based on how generous he's feeling?

This is such a shitty topic to discuss, and I don't even really need the money, AND, my uncle is a lot of things, but a scamming con-artist I didn't ever really take him for ever. HOWEVER... my grandma had bailed him out his entire life, paid for his kid's college, his house down payment, etc etc... and now in his SECOND divorce, he basically lost his house that was paid off (this idiot added her to the deed of a house he already owned when they got married) to his ex-wife and has an assload of child support/alimony (had 3 more kids at the age of 60 like a fucking moron), so I'm not putting anything past him and I just want to be prepared. Thanks.

 

ugghhh... and in the meantime, he can still run off with the loot cause of bank access? he really has the ability to potentially disappear. he's almost retired, his life here sucks, he'll get a pension, he grew up like super duper genius guy in sciences and outdoors wilderness stuff.

is it mandatory before anything is handed to him that the lawyer has to read us all the will if we're named? or he can try and keep that from happening by handling things himself?

and also... he didn't really scam my grandma in more so as he was just a giant emotionally stunted man-baby and she babied him thru life and was an enabler. my dad was the responsible one so while she never gave us shit or offered to pay things, we didn't need it and i assume that she felt that way too. he's foreal like a genius, but just can't function like an adult. its insane to watch. its like rainman almost but with manic eccentricities instead of like mentally handicapped.

 

Sounds like your Grandmother raised a shitty son and left him in charge.
I would get a lawyer if you really think you are entitled to something or you just have to have it.
If you can live without it, I would just let it go. It really sucks but fighting over a loved ones money is not what anyone wants to do.

My father didn't have a will drawn up before he passed. He was 58 and became sick and passed quickly.
Even though him and my mom were married, without a will, doesn't mean she gets everything.
If her name was on the title to something, then all that was needed was the death certificate, some signatures and it could be put in her name.
If it was just in his name, then it cost us extra for the lawyer after the fact. So unless it is specifically stated in the Will then that is where shit gets all mixed up.

I wish you the best and hope you get what is yours.


edit: and the bank and see how much money was in the account on each day. So if he empties it, a lawyer can find out easily enough. Now once he has the cash there is no telling if he will pay up on a lost lawsuit.

 

First off, sorry about your grandmother.

If the retirement condo was one of those graduated care things, the money may stay with them. it should be in the paperwork. As for the rest, I have managed thus far to not end up in inheritance disputes and with few relatives left, probably won't.

 

I'm sorry about your Grandmother.

I would ask your uncle for a few things from her that are meaningful to you. Art, photos, whatever non-monetary thing, that has & will let you remember her.

Take a deep breath and don't wait for anything else, if your track record of his actions are even remotely accurate.

OR: You can take the initiative and offer to pay for a lawyer and have the lawyer provide a "Plan for the estate" based on his read of the will.

 

yea well... i won't deny it and i'm conflicted about it. it wouldn't surprise me to find out he did a bunch of acid in the 70's or some shit, and he's always just been kinda a "don't tie me down" kinda dude who just happened to get married twice and have 4 kids. but he's foreal like an Encyclopedia with anything nature, arts, music, history, earth science, astronomy, etc... that side of the family had a lot of scientist/engineer/math types in its lineage. so its strange to have somebody who is so worldly and intellectual be such a fuck up. the left in charge part is cause my dad died in a car crash when we were teens. sometimes me and my mom talk about what their relationship might have been like now that their kids are grown and he's made all these life mistakes for the past 20 years. my dad was like, super even-tempered and logical and responsible and pretty much made all the right decisions. polar opposites. BUT... only 2 brothers, he's the only one left, so that's the default. i'm sure it woulda been my dad if he was here, 100%.

thanks and no worries. like i said, she was 94, so it was a good run and coming for a while now. it was the type of place that's like a whole community, so you have a regular ass condo you can come and go from as you wish, just in this gated community. you put a deposit down for it that they hold until exiting time. then within the community, there are units with more care and stuff that she was in for the last year or so, but they still were holding the deposit and now its supposed to go back. my mom was thinking though that they'd just deposit it to the account directly that had been paying them their monthly fees and stuff out of, which is that bank account that he has access to. but not sure 100%.

before my grandma straight forgot who i was i already did that. she had this collection of nice leather bound books of the classics, i got those. one of her paintings cause she painted that i really like. these old family lineage binders with timelines and some pictures. i didn't need or want anything else. and not waiting for anything is how i was playing it, cause really i'm ok without a dime... but the idea of him getting over once again started to eat at me some.

there's already a law office handling the will who i guess will contact me at some point? to read it? i assumed they would dictate for the bank/investment firm/etc... to put funds in an escrow account and divide it up? or we have to get that done separately?

 

Sorry about your grandmother.

I don't know the law in your grandmother's state of residence, but once she dies, all her assets are usually frozen until the court appoints an executor.
If the bank account or other assets were jointly held (both names on the account/deed/etc.) then he will continue to have access to them, and if they have a joint tenancy with right of survivorship ownership, they became his upon her death. Any Power of Attorney for property would have ended upon her death.

If he is not executing his fudicary duty properly, the probate court can remove him as executor, as the court has the option of not honoring the nomination of an executor if one was made in the will.

Executors are entitled to be paid for their work. Many states set 10% of the estate as a fair compensation. Executors are able to refuse or take a lower payment, but the court would have to agree on a higher one unless it's specified in her will.

However, if you want to challenge his handling of things, you will need to go see a lawyer and the probate court.

After my Mom passed, I was locked out of paying any of her bills or dealing with any of her assets until the probate court appointed me as executor of her estate.

Sorry you find yourself in what sounds to be a developing mess.

 

yea thanks man. so as far as i know he WAS/IS the executor. he was paying her bills for the past bunch of years and he had access to that bank account to do so out of. i'm sure he'll have to pay whatever funeral/move-out costs there were too associated with this, from that account. he seems to be executing on SOMETHING now, as he finally contacted me and my brother last night about getting things moving, but it was a crazy ranting stream of consciousness sounding email so i dunno what to make of it at the end. he asked for my address and info and said he was now to be in touch with the will lawyer. the "right of survivorship" thing i do not know about or how i would even find out, but i'll keep that in mind.

i don't want to show my hand pre-maturely. While i could take him or leave him frankly, because he's had no bearing on my life and i hardly ever see him even though he's always lived like 30 minutes away, i don't want to outright completely ruin the relationship unnecessarily. i'd almost rather he fuck up first and show his intentions before trying hammer him, but then i was curious as to if that would be too late or not. all in all, his son already hates him and refuses to talk to him and didn't invite him to their baby shower, his ex-wife has all but banned him from seeing his daughters... if he wants to completely lose any other semblance of family at all, i guess that's on him. but we'll see, and i'll hope somewhere in there he has a conscience.

 

I'm sorry man. My dad died much too early for my liking also. His brothers are total fuck ups and everything you have posted is dead on. I have seen the same shit my entire life. I love my grandparents but the fact that I have it together means I don't need their help or money. If my uncles are not careful they will blow through that shit and become homeless before they die. I couldn't believe all the shit in my own family and it scares me that you have a similar story.

 

yea man... it wouldn't surprise me if he was thinking the same thing and worrying about it, honestly. he's had his art history masters and same gov't funded job for like 35 years doing art therapy for the criminally insane (not even fucking joking, great job for a dude that might also be nuts), so i'm sure he probably makes half my salary, but he'll get a decent pension and lives in a much cheaper area of MD. at the same time, he has 3 kids under 10 yrs. old and they and his ex are currently living in his house that was paid off before he decided to put her on the deed and the become divorced. they can sell it after a year, but she'll get half the money, and he'll still own alimony/child support, so he's probably still fucked. i bet he's banking on this to get him by. if he woulda just stayed unmarried after his first psycho wife, he'd probably just have a nice ass retirement with his little pension and no debts. at least his son managed to get away... moved to Boston, got married, kid, nice IT job, nice life for himself... but i dunno man

all i know is... my dad died when i was 15, and my brother was half way thru college, and my grandma didn't even offer my mom any help even though we were ok without it. still probably woulda been nice in those times. meanwhile... down payment on my uncle's house, reno for his kitchen, used car for his son, used car for my uncle, another car for my cousin when he crashed the first one, paid the tuition for my cousin's entire private out of state college while me and my brother were both in-state AND i had a scholarship for part of it... it was kinda fucked up on face value. but we never asked, and me and my brother ended up just justifying it as, "if we don't take anything from her, she can't butt into our lives." so we were fine with it. even with my small ass family, still managed to have a fucked up portion of it, funny how that happens no?

 

All I can offer is to expect the absolute worst to come out of people you have known and respected your entire life. When my dad died and I was the executor of his estate I was astounded at some of the shenanigans people would try.

Sorry about your grandmother.

 

If it's like it in your grandmothers state like here, the will must be lodged (filed) with the clerk of court within 30 days of death. You then have viewing rights to it, and then can see what to do.
I don't think anything you list as assets triggers probate.

 

If you need the money go after him, if not cut him out like a fucking cancer. People like that eventually end up in a hospital or they die in the back of a cluttered house all alone.
If it was my uncle and we weren't talking about a life changing amount, I would tell him off cause eventually he will regret it. He will have to live with it and he might be fine for years but when people know they are about to die, they want to make things right.

 

I'm glad that you were able to get the sentimental items you wanted out. That's good.

Why be passive on the law office. Call them* and get status and ask to be included in communications regarding the estate.


*Again, if you feel a need. I have no idea of your level of motivation to get involved.

 

If you don't need the money and he's your only uncle, just let it go and stay on good terms with him.
Family is important even when you don't get along all that well.

Then there's all that drama and negative energy, and you seem to be right on the edge all the time anyway, so you probably don't need that.

If you do go that way, though, be sure to get video, especially when the cops get involved.
I want to be a fly on that wall.

 

We were never close. He never tried to give a fuck after my dad was gone. I'm indifferent to the good terms part of that. I dont hate him at all, he's fine, if i never saw him again, also fine. Family isn't important to me except my brother and his kids, and we're super close, and we talk about everything and look out for each other and coordinated any position on this beforehand.

I wouldn't flip on him, i have self control and i'm smarter than that, and there won't be cops ever for anything.

He actually called me tonite, and so... he let the annuity trust lapse and didn't pay the premium because apparently it turned into like $15k a month after she was 90, so thats probably gone now. He specifically mentioned the stocks and specifically none of the condo stuff. I just played dumb like i knew nothing... but he said he's on it so we'll see how it pans out. Maybe he thinks its his and we wont notice? Ima lay back for now and give it a bit...

 

He's going to fuck over the rest of the family. There's not much you can do about it. If you fight it, the lawyers will wind up with nearly everything.

Moral of the story, do your heirs a favor and set up an iron clad will .

 

As far as I know, beach is correct. The banks will,freeze everything unless he wants to keep paying for stuff..any autmatic payments will need to be sorted and things will automatically go into the process. probate will take a year or more. But if you want to know exactly what's in the will, you'll likely have to lawyer up if he won't just send a copy..

My aunt pulled the same shit..had my grandmother sign everything over to her in her last years..then booted her and sold her house at auction. oh....And she's a cpa. Everything was cleaned out before my grandmother died.. My mother took her in for the last year of her life and she died at my mother's house. My mother asked for nothing.

The entire side of my mother's family has been at odds for 40 years over money. If you can do without, let them have at it.