For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!
BUT.... wouldn't you put up with that if every 18 months they came out with new cars that went twice as fast, and cost LESS?
This has been around for a while. C'mon, JB.... you usually are not this late! I'd give you one of this WELCOME TO LAST WEEK thingies, but I can't. Why? Because I suck at the internet. <Waiting to see how long it takes before Darrin hits me with the YOU SUCK AT THE INTERNET thingie>
Yes it's been around for a long time, but like the redneck stuff, good enough to recycle. It's not like the lame stuff that fills your mailbox every time a friend of yours discovers the internet and email for the first time! (Like a new friend evry six months!) Oh, and allow me!
Abort, Retry, Ignore. (Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe) Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command But got instead a reprimand: it read "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before. Carefully, I weighed my options. These three seemed to be the top ones. Clearly, I must now adopt one - Choose : "Abort, Retry, Ignore". With my fingers pale and trembling, Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Finally I pressed a key -- But on the screen what did I see? Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore". I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. Luck was just not in the cards, I saw what I had seen before. Now I typed in desperation, Trying random combinations. Still there came the incantation - Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore". There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted; Getting up, I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw an awful sight, A bold and blinding flash of light, A lightning bolt that cut the night and shook me to my very core. The PC screen collapsed and died, "Oh no -- my database", I cried. I thought I heard a voice reply, "You'll see your data -- Nevermore!" To this day I do not know The place to which our data goes Perhaps it goes to Heaven where the angels have it stored. But as for productivity - well, I fear it has gone straight to Hell. And that's the tale I have to tell - Your choice: "Abort, Retry, Ignore"
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. That is something that you are willing to put up with?? You really have some screwed up logic.
so I guess Bill Gates is taking credit for CPU advances?? What ever happened to that anti-trust lawsuit?? Dubya bailed out you your a$$....I guess those campaign contributions went to good use.
Relax man it's just an old joke. Welcome back to six years ago: http://groups.google.ca/[email protected] -peekay
RE: Abort, Retry, Ignore. Enjoyed it, Frank! Sounds like is was written in the good-old (bad maybe) DOS days, before Windoze...
JB - This makes it about 13 years I have hanging around (the wife would say goofing off) the internet. Is it possible some one out there still is a newbie to all this .. Then again, I SUCK AT THE INTERNET!
