Do you use any of these?

Discussion in 'General' started by Eddie845, Sep 25, 2002.

  1. Eddie845

    Eddie845 E-LO FRM THE BLOCK

    "Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers”
    > 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
    > bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
    > 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
    > asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
    > problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
    > just died . . . "
    > 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
    > their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
    > where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many
    > people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are
    > married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal
    > questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
    > 4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
    > Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a
    > real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
    > 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
    > you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
    > terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
    > 6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
    > keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
    > fun if you can do it until they hang up.
    > 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
    > Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have
    > any friends, would you be my friend?"
    > 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can
    > you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
    > 9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
    > marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
    > give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
    > 10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and
    > they can't sell to employees.
    > 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer,
    > set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
    > 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
    > if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
    > him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers
    > cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
    > anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and
    > you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
    > 13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
    > 14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold.
    > Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your
    > leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner
    > conversation.
    > 15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
    > they could bring you some beer.
    > 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
    > 17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
    > probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
    > 18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
    > joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
    > 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak
    > up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
    > 20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every
    > word down.
  2. paperclip

    paperclip D'oh!

    I use 11 and 13 :p
  3. Tracee Polcin

    Tracee Polcin Pic by IYF Photo

    My usual response is that we're not home and can I take a message. When they say there's no message, I then ask them why did you call then.:D
  4. Madmike

    Madmike Drunk Member

    I just hang up. Dont say a word. Just " Click"

    what sucks is when i hang up on some one i know because they did not speak fast enough.
  5. Richard Lesher

    Richard Lesher Well-Known Member

    I do that too. Usually there is a click or pause when a telemarketer calls.

    Phone rings
    you pick up and say hi
    there is a pause in responding to you, becasue the computer now knows there is a human on the other line and then sends it to a sales person.

    That is where I HANG UP, BEFORE they can say hello back.

    This saves me the most time, not the funniest, but I get a least 3 calls a week.

    Once I was really pissed and said, "What are you selling, get to the point"

    They started in with a scripted response. So I hung up.

    They didn't get to the point. :mad:
  6. Tex

    Tex Well-Known Member

    Call me crazy, but I politely thank them for the call and tell them I'm not interested.

    Imagine if you had to call folks and cold sell for a living so you could make ends meet.


    The list is pretty darn funny:D
  7. LtFDrebbin

    LtFDrebbin Well-Known Member


    I use either the "Oh no, the cats on fire!" response, or I explain to the person that this is somewhat of a commune, and I remember meeting that person a while back, somewhere in the field, and I could go look for them if they have a little while to hold on. But my favorite was the other day when I explained that I had no time for a mortgage analysis, because I had to get out on my dirtbike right away. She understood.
  8. Tracee Polcin

    Tracee Polcin Pic by IYF Photo

    What I have been doing lately is saying no thank you and please remove me from your call list. I would hate to have that job.
  9. WERA29

    WERA29 On a mental field trip...

    They know the deal going in and I'm sure they hate getting calls at home from their friends in the office. ;)

    My personal favorite is to tell them I'm not home. They just say they'll call back later and when they do I tell them I'm still not home. :D
  10. T748

    T748 FMF SV Pilot

    I'd sign up for diesel engine repair school and learn how to do something USEFUL. :p
  11. RoadRacerX

    RoadRacerX Jesus Freak

    Ever hear of Tom Mabe? Revenge on the Telemarketers? On one of his, he tells the caller he is on the toilet, grunts and breathes. Then he says, "whaddaya know.... I just pooped a "J". The caller loses it. May just try that one next telemarketing call. :D
  12. YAM#849

    YAM#849 y'all watch this...

    I usually just start babbling like I'm stark raving mad, about just anything that pops into my head. They usually don't stay on the line long.
  13. Madmike

    Madmike Drunk Member

    Thats classic.
  14. Laurie Acree

    Laurie Acree Well-Known Member

    That was pretty funny. I guess I'm too nice. I listen to every word b/c it's usually some stay at home trying to make some extra money. Then I tell them no thanks, good luck with the next call and hang up.
    We changed our # to non published and we rarely get calls anymore. Best solution.:)
  15. 1slowguy

    1slowguy Well-Known Member

    I tell them before they start that im not interested in doing any business..... Most of the time they dont know what to say and end up saying thankyou and have a nice day... BUT:rolleyes: The other day I had a guy from ATT wireless call trying to get me to buy a phone.... I did my usual and didnt let him start.... He got mad and said "What!!! you dont want to listen to what i have to say... Then I just blew up... I told him if i was interested it what he had to say... I would have call his a$$... I was in the process of telling him where and what he could do with the phone...but he hung up. I was soooo pleased with myself ;) I found a telemarketer that didnt want to talk to me... Hopefully the others will leave me alone as well... Btw, I get atleast 3 to 5 calls A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
  16. Paige

    Paige Well-Known Member

    We get the same recording on voicemail almost everyday from a guy named Tom who wants us to refinance our house. You would think that he would learn by now that if we were really interested we would call him back. So help me if he calls when I am home I may have to go off on him. :) Or, maybe i'll just tell him to hold for a minute and see how long he holds.
  17. Madmike

    Madmike Drunk Member

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