Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore... You're a United States Senator from New York, act like it! Abby
P.S. As for the lesbian thing, when you do decide to COME OUT, please don't tell us about it. Abby, and the rest of the world.
Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my sisters who lives in Pflugerville is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is still a part-time "working girl." All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President? Signed, Worried About My Reputation
Dear Johnny, Of course! Tell her. You have to learn to differentiate between politics and reality at some point. --Abby
