corporal Punishment

Kids are different. Some respond to reason, some don't. Some respond to a swat on the butt, others don't. There is no universal answer.

 

I have two girls and have never spanked either one. I don't have a problem with parents doing a little spanking, my Mom used to give me a whack on the butt with a wooden spoon. It was nothing that any reasonable person would consider abuse, just enough to make it sting. I just don't think I could ever do that to my girls. I would probably think differently if I had boys.

My approach is to never make an empty promise. If I tell them, "Do that one more time and you'll go to your room" then I make sure I follow up with it if they do. On the contrary, my sister-in-law hardly ever follows through with threats and her kids have been conditioned to ignore them.

 

That is key. I have a friend in Raleigh used to make the most ridiculous threats and the girls knew there was no way she would ever follow through.

BTW, my daughter got a few smacks on the butt, not many. She responded better to missing out on stuff.

 

Draw your own conclusions as to why, but it's a fact that kids today behave much worse in public than they did 30 years ago. Not minding, talking back, making loud noises, any number of other ways that show no respect for their parents. IMO, the "time-out" idea has a lot to do with it.

 

When you try and apply it to all kids you are right. For some it is pure torture. Others are like WTF, fine by me. The problem is parents trying to be friends first and parents somewhere down the list.

 

I think this is the root cause. My parents have always been parents.

I consider my dad my best friend because in worst case scenarios he has been that one that was there.

 

How you raise your kid is none of my business. Spank away Grand Inquisitor.

Beat on your kid in front of me, now it's my business.

 

And that's the distinction. Beat the child, yes, someone needs to intervene. Spanking is a different action and situation.

 

No child should EVER experience abuse but every child should experience physical discipline. It gets their attention more than any other means. My parents spanked me but most times they had a process that I wish others would use. When I got in trouble only on rare occasions did I get an immediate spanking, public or private. Usually I would get scolded and told my spanking is deferred until later (when we get home, when dad gets home, after I finish something, etc). This let me live in agony for hours sometimes knowing what was coming and gave me time to rethink what I did to get in trouble in the first place and realize it wasn't worth it and will never do it again. Equally important here is it gave my parents a cool down time if they had gotten riled up themselves and eliminated any excessive punishment that may have came from being angry. When the moment of truth came my then level headed parents would talk to me about what I did, why I shouldn't have done it, then deliver just enough of a spanking to get my attention. On some occasions they would not spank me at all. Just the hours of agony in expectation of the spanking they could tell was enough to have taught me a lesson.

 

In 1973, my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Pinkle, would smack the behinds of those in her class who acted like animals. Most of us behaved without having to get spanked; she was a very kind and loving teacher, but she would not tolerate any bullshit.

It's too bad that level of discipline doesn't exist today.

I think a potential problem with spanking, comes from not knowing when spanking is no longer effective. Unfortunately, a small percentage of kids won't respond to spankings, which can lead to beatings if the parent loses control.

 

I don't have kids so I have to base things on my experience growing up and watching other parents. Myself and my two brothers got our asses whipped with Dad's belt. He always made sure we knew exactly why we were getting whipped. He never abused us but we did grow up in the disco era when belts were wide and had two prongs to hold them. We would test him and we usually failed. We always joke at family gatherings about dad beating us with that big disco buckle. He just laughs and says we are full of shit. The gradkids always say, "Papaw tell us about when you use to hit Daddy and Uncle John and Uncle Timmy with the disco buckle."

I didn't require the amount of physical discipline that my two big brothers did. Each child is different and most likely needs to be treated differently.

My brothers didn't whip their daughters much at all and I doubt they ever did anything other than pop them on the butt with a hand. My twin nephews got the belt.

IMO not every parent is mentally prepared to whip their children and not every child needs it. My guess is that a parent that was abused as a child is probably not going to be a good parent to use physical punishment.

The biggest problem I see these days with parents is that parents think they need to be their childrens' "friend". Bullshit, they have plenty of friends. What they need is a parent.

Raise you children. Don't let Play Station, the computer or the DVD system raise your children.

 

I don't have kids, but this is exactly what I saw as a kid. My brother and I got spanked fairly often, but we were ROUGH little redneck kids. We shot each other with bb guns, bottle rockets, played crash up derby with big wheels rolling off of hills into each other.....
Mom would say, "Wait till your dad gets home" and that was the end of it. Being spanked scared the sh#t out of us until my brother was 16 and I was 12. He took the belt from my dad. I saw it, and thought dad was gonna kill him.
We never got whipped again, and my brother went straight down the tubes, has never recovered. 40 yr old man with two kids he doesn't support....

Not saying that was the turning point, but even at 12 I saw how the relationship between myself, my brother, and my dad changed.
Dad died when I was 19, but looking back now, I think he decided to let my brother be his own man and it carried down to my disciplin. I never challenged his authority though, who's to say if/when I ever would have....

 

dude, you hit the nail on the head with this one.

Alot of folks here have watched my 2 boys grow up at the track in the last 10 years, the oldest is now 22, the youngest will be 18 in a few months. I told both of them i wasnt here to be their friend, im a parent first, and a friend 2nd. They both got their asses beat with a belt (i can count on 2 hands the total number of times), but each time, they were sent to their rooms knowing they were getting ready to be spanked, and i sat in the living room cooling off (if i used the belt, it was because it was a pretty serious offense, and i was PISSED), and swore, unlike MY father, that i would NEVER beat their ass in anger. When i did cool off and go to their room, i sat down, and we talked about what they did, why they did it, and i made sure they understood why they were getting the punishment they were getting. Its really ironic or whatever too, the old saying "this is gonna hurt me more than it does you" is VERY real. Each time i did this, i had tears welling up in my eyes, its something that i absolutely HATED to do, but, IMO, for some kids, its the only thing that will work. Ive always believed "out of fear, grows respect", and i think it has worked well for my kids.

Both my boys are VERY well behaved today, and my oldest actually WANTS to hang out with me, at home and at the track. The youngest is all into girls and guitars, so i rarely see him, but i honestly think that corp. punishment does work, and has worked on both my kids. Its just the way its done, and yes, some kids need it, and some kids dont, as well as some parents shouldnt because they dont know WHEN to stop.

 

Now c'mon Todd, what you're saying isn't even possible, according to some here.

 

I didn't everyones post, but the topic seems to have gone to, child abuse in some cases, which I Hate..I have always tried to teach my son discipline, which is much different than punishment..Sometimes, they goof up..we then need to Correct that behavior in some way, other than beating a child. I do agree that Talking to your kids, not At them makes a difference, again, sometimes it works, sometimes not, you have to use your better judgment what it takes to make them understand what they did was wrong. We all know kids are different, so no one way will work for everyone.

One thing I find alot of parents don't do, is Praise their kids when they do something right.

When I was a kid up till I was 15, I got Whooped on a bunch, to the point where my dad actually tried to choke me, I've been hit with every houshold item you can think of, and some really hurt.

Discipline and guidence is the key imho..

 

I know how ghey this is going to sound, but oh well...

When I was a growing up my folks used to watch little house on the prairie every single night. What I noticed most about the show was that every kid was sent to the barn or the shed before the punishment was administered. As an adult with a child I see the benefit.

I may raise my voice out of frustration or anger, but before anything physical happens, my daughter has her own little spot in the corner. This "spot" can be anywhere. It moves from the restaraunt to the grocery to her grandparents house. When she is old enough to come to the track, I am certain the "spot" will float there to. There have been two times when my daughter has earned herself a swat on the hind end from me. Once for repeatedly saying "NO!" to her mother and the other repeatedly getting up from her time out spot.

My Dad used the hand, belt, switch... Whatever was handy at the time. Wouldn't consider it a beating at all as nothing ever left a mark that lasted longer than 10-15 minutes. Each one was well deserved. What hurt more than eanything was when my mom wouldn't speak to me afterwards. I got over the physical pain but the emotional disappointment stung the rest of the night.

I think the best advice given here is not to administer ANY punishment in the heat of the moment. Both sides need a level head and both need to understand exactly what message is being conveyed and the expectations are. As well BOTH parents need to follow the rules equally.

 

My mom sat me out on the curb for the Orphan Bus when I was 5. Apparently it had already come by that day and I lucked out. I was good for like a month.

Explains a lot, huh?

 

Not really.. That friggin stork dropped me off at the wrong house and never came back...

Least that's what my brother told me...

 

Hell I don't remember any specific ass whoopings I took but the times I truely let Mom and Dad down and could tell it are engraved in my memory. I remember things about some ass whoopins like when the middle brother would try to run or hide. He tried hiding behind Dad's recliner once. Dad just reached over, grabbed him and picked him up then whipped his ass.

I do remember Mom getting pissed off at me and slapping me. I was probably 13-15 year old range and of course bigger than her and I said something really smartassed to her. Before she could think about it she slapped my face. Stunned me. Didn't hurt but she had never slapped any of us and I was the son that rarely got into trouble. She freaked out and started apologizing and crying. I started laughing and told her to relax it wasn't a big deal and that she should have slapped me. Now I use it against her at family gatherings when she starts getting a cocky around everyone. I just bring up the time she punched me in the face for no reason.

 

I laugh at all the testosterone that makes everyone online tougher than the next man...

Meanwhile, most have not been in a fight since 6th grade.

I will do whatever it takes to keep my child out of the jail system. If that includes me using my backhand at some point then so be it.

I was not raised in a wealthy environment and my personal feelings are that without any "tough love" most are now serving time. I will pass on "tough love".