Father passed away this weekend

Sorry for your loss. Ski

 

Thank you everyone.

Dad was 83 at his time of passing and, from the start of the year was showing some times of confusion and has needed quite a bit of direction and help from me as the rest of the family is distant, literally and physically. Last 3 weeks he had taken a bad turn and began breaking down but refusing medical treatment from his doctor and the insurance companies visiting nurses. He flat out would not go to a assisted living home, hospital, or even Florida. Last week he directed me to where everything was that he knew of and was aware of. It appears the will and trust was updated or amended in 2012 vs the original document in 2005. His estate, as I read currently, is to be handled by his bank locally.

That said, I appreciate all the condolences and support as even though I had tried to prepare myself for this I'm a wreck and needing to write down everything as it's currently all still a whirlwind. Things move fast in the end it seems.

 

First off, condolences. Its always hard managing both the emotional loss of someone key to your life AND having responsibilities regarding that loss. There is no need to rush into this stuff, but by the same token, to do right by your Dad's wishes, you need to follow through with the role he placed on you.

Second, without knowing how the trust is structured and how large/complex the estate is, it's difficult to give advice on how complicated your job as executor is. My experience in this ( I was executor for my Dad and I have four siblings) as well as lots of other accounts similar, is that the admin portion of the job isn't difficult per se, but does require following clear processes. An example is obtaining multiple copies of the death certificate, and distributing those to all companies/institutions that your Pop had financial arrangements with and keeping tabs on closure/resolution/distribution. Another is working though the trust defined beneficiaries vs. those stipulated by contract (example: an annuity).

A much more vexing and difficult thing can arise in the case of disputes. On that front, all I can offer is do the right thing, document everything, and even then you will be criticized. Money can (does) make lots of people petty and indifferent to compassion and fairness. All you can do is do your best and honor your Pop.

Best of luck.

 

Sorry for your loss, sir. Prayers and condolences to you and yours.

As said, a trust should mitigate much of the question marks. The trust probably has a probate already named, but if not, make sure someone who is well-versed represents.

Rest easy, pops...

 

Sorry about your Dad, and Godspeed to him. Lost mine in 2009. Tell you the same thing he told me, and I now tell my kids. Move past it, live YOUR life, because I have lived mine. Its your time now, make the most of it.

 

As of right now I have 10 certificates coming and I am meeting with the bank tomorrow. The attorney isn't available until the 22nd...but has sent/emailed copies to the bank already.

 

Sorry for the loss of your dad. I've got nothing further to offer on guidance beyond what others have already provided. As R1M said, it fugging sux.

I lost my dad a year ago (almost to the day). He was 88 at the time. Like dobr24, truly my best friend (best-man at my wedding). Mom called me saying he wasn't doing well. Got there and was right behind him as he was making his way to the next room. He collapsed forwards, but I was able to catch him in my arms and pull him backwards before he hit a counter. Laid him on the floor, no breathing, no pulse, nothing. Just gone. Looked at mom, she starts bawling. Parents live about 1/4 mile from a one-truck fire department. Sometimes they'll have a paramedic there, so I told her to call 911. They've been to the house before, but its about 15 minute response time. So I have to try something. I've been trained, but really rusty, and never had to do it for real. Did the sternum knuckle rub, nothing. Started CPR. Surreal. Five minutes in, he responds. Opens his eyes and we're staring at each other. He's looking at me like wtf are you doing? I hear the siren coming up the hill, they come in and take over. He did a 2 month stay in rehab, but he's still here today. He's 89 and going in to work at the office everyday. He doesn't remember a thing. Unfortunately I do. For me, the emotional roller coaster ride of that day was one of the worst things ever. Yes, I have him for another year + . . . but the part that really sux is that I'm going to have to lose him again. The standing joke with him is that he had his chance . . . now he's not allowed to go until I'm good and ready to lose him again. I make it a point to remind him almost weekly that I'm not ready yet.
.

 

My condolences, sorry to hear this.

 

My most sincere condolences to you @Bloodhound.
I've been through this as the caretaker for both my parents, and was fortunate to get most of their affairs in order before they passed. A few hard feelings with siblings and their kids, because I stepped up to the plate, when they weren't willing to. My folks didn't have a lot, and I spent $100k of my money making sure they were well taken care of. Still paying the mortgage on the family home I bought from them over 15 years ago. We've already set up a trust to get things in order for our kids.

You haven't mentioned funeral arrangements as of yet. Perhaps it is already arranged, I don't know? I've pissed off a distant friend of mine because of how I shopped around for itemized service prices. It's your right to do this, because of an obscure federal law. My 'buddy' expected me to go with his funeral home's 'standard package,' and I refused to. Long story short, I transported my Dad's casket with him inside 800 miles in my (race) van to our hometown, only used a few services from a different F.H, and primarily used our family church.

Watch this first, if arrangements are still pending, and only do what you choose to do:
https://www.cbs.com/shows/video/x27gIG_KxsgmMXzrHkbdspQecmm7Hndv/

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

Man, sorry to hear. My mother in law recently passed due in large part to dementia. My parents are doing well but are in their late 70s and starting to show signs of aging. Too soon I’ll be in your shoes.

You have my condolences and best wishes.

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

Sorry for your loss

 

Prayers for family and friends.

 

Sorry for your loss

Please don't forget to get plenty of sleep, eat a good diet, and drink a ton of fluids.

Stress does a lot of strange shit to a man.

 

Damn…so sorry to hear this. Hang in there.

 

My condolences Ski...

Dealing with everything is just a process. Get through the funeral first. You really can't do anything with a lot of it until you have a death certificate in hand. Go through the paperwork and find the will if there is one. Armed with those two things you are on the path to handling most of it. If there is no will then it gets a little more complicated and you'll need to know what the laws are in the state related to who gets what.

 

Sorry for the loss of your Dad.

 

Sorry you are going through that, but nearly every responsible adult will have something like this in their life. You are not alone.

I went through my Dad and a few weeks later my Mom May timeframe last year. It was definitely a tough thing to go through. I was pretty much "it" for handling everything from hospital stuff to funeral stuff and keeping everybody informed along the way. It will take years to get through, so be prepared for a long haul. Most stuff happens pretty quick, so you have to try to pay attention through all the grief, but then it just a bit of a burden here and there after that for quite a while.

I just closed the probate on the estate a few months ago. And mine was a really easy one as my Parents planned pretty well in advance.

The main tip I can offer is to take care of your self and family and realize that you are under a strain. Stress can be a literal killer during this.

Otherwise, as far as practical aspects...

• My parents retired to North Carolina (it is where Floridians go). My Dad did it as much for the motorcycle roads as anything (he went for a ride with friends the week before he passed). But I, and a portion of their assets and accounts, were still Florida based. It gets complicated, as rules for things vary from state to state. I recently took care of the last of the bike titles (there were a few) and I was still hitting these issue. Some of the titles were NC, others Florida. Handled differently. So, I guess I'm saying get professional help that knows law differences between states and don't take how one state does things as "the way".
• Get lots of copies of the death certificates. You have to pay for these, but pay up and you will thank yourself later. Many places want originals to settle an account. Also, in NC there is something called "letters testamentary". You pay for these too, and they are more stingy with these than death certificates, so you typically only get a limited amount at a time. It is your "I control the estate" paperwork, for lack of a better term. If you sell anything major from the estate (IE a car or boat) you will need one of these in many cases. Transfer a title (they will make a copy and give you the original back though), etc. Florida doesn't seem to have a concept exactly like this, so it would confuse a lot of agencies down here.
• Take your time when you can. Be timely when you must. I wanted to put this behind me as soon as I could, so was pushing hard to "resolve" things ASAP. It added more stress, and there are some things that are just slow. Prioritize things that have date deadlines and take it easy with the other stuff, it ain't going anywhere.
• Unless you want to take on selling minor stuff you don't want for cash, I'd recommend finding a good charity that will work with you to dispose of things.

If you have any "what did you do?" sorts of questions, please feel free to PM me. Or ask here of course.

 

Godspeedwhen my wife passed..it was bad bad timing. Even though we were married for many yrs.

We had no will.

And that made my world a sheer utter mess. Assets, Investments, the house. I had No control over anything.

I went to a friend whom was a estate attorney...She was awesome and handled everything for me. I'd suggest you do the same.

I don't think your situation would be anywhere near as complicated as what I had to deal with, so that's what I would suggest when it's personal or family it just makes it even that much harder to work through.

Let someone handle that for you