How long to let an elderly loved one be independent?

Nail... Head... etc

Oh hail naw!

 

Yep, exactly. I never made the offer to have Mom stay with me, no matter how much she hinted that's what she would like.
That would have been a complete and total disaster.

I heavily subsidized my parents housing costs for over 20 years precisely to prevent any thought of my having to share a household with them ever again.

 

To be clear, my own mother can freeze to death under a bridge for all I give a shit. She bought that on August 31st 1983 and she full-well knows it.

My wife's mom is the one in question here. If it comes to her living with us, I can stand it... not sure the missus can, though!

 

My MiL asked me to build her a tiny house behind the house I will be building in Ward, Co.

NO.F*****G.WAY

That must have been one rough Halloween Auminer.

 

August 31?

Am I missing something?

Figured his BD maybe, but he reads like an old guy.

 

OLD!?!?

Bite me, whippersnapper!



I was 15. It's a long story, not one for this thread. Suffice to to say it was the day she had me put in an institution.

This thread ain't about her, though.

 

Would it be possible for you to build an addition(full on MIL apartment) on to your house for her to live in?

That's what we did for my MIL. Worked out great for everyone. She had money from the sale of her home and used some of it to build the addition. I contributed as well as we put a 3 car garage under the apartment(she had one of those chair lifts like you see on TV to get up the stairs). She got to maintain an independent lifestyle that allowed us to be there when she needed us but we also weren't living on top of each other either. She also got many visits from our 5 cats which she loved. Only at the very end did she end up in hospice. 2 weeks.

And the kicker, which she agreed was great when making these plans, was that the money stayed in the family rather than being flushed down the tubes at an old folks home. The addition added great value to our home, which was realized when we sold the place to move to AL.... and it actually helped the home get sold in only 3 days.

Admittedly, it was a shit TON of work to make all this happen(no thanks to big local gov of course) but it was a good solution for us. Happy to answer any questions

 

Good plan. We did something similar. Keep in mind, if your parents haven't saved enough and you do NOT have the resources to cover cost, medicare will cover long term care, to an extent. But, you will have to exhaust ALL financial resources the parent has to qualify. I think that is reasonable, but if you have the wherewithal to provide space, it is much more pleasant than most Medicare approved arrangements.

Good financial planning and transfer of assets long before it becomes an issue is a better path.

 

We have already done a lot of financial planning and we are already past the 7 year look-back, so good to go on all that.

MIL suite is a no go.

PS... Yall, August 31st isn't Halloween...

 

If you can manage it and your parent has limited funds....get them into a quality facility, run the funds out and switch to medicare. Once they are in they can't be put out. The trick is qualifying them as a cash paying customer. Most places have wised up and insist on reviewing their financials...if they are too thin they won't let them in. DO NOT fudge the financials.

 

^^Werd. This is something you plan for years in advance, not just when a problem arises. I tried to talk my parents into better planning. They chose to take a different path.

 

Mr Acree, could you point me in a direction to find more information on the medicare stuff? We are just starting down the path with my MIL, hopefully we will be able to sell her house before the banks foreclose and sell it on courthouse steps and she'll get a little money out of it. It won't be much and will run out quickly. Her life has been pretty much one financial disaster after another and has no savings at all. She is living with us and any assistance we can get will be a huge help. Thanks in advance for any information you might have gleaned.

 

We went through this in 2014 so things may be different. The hospital had a consultant that assisted us in the initial placement in the extended care home. The remaining financial information came from the care facility. I am far from an expert. We pulled mom out of there at that point. The financial thing was just part of it. They had a responsibility to let us know when the short term medicare benefits expired. They failed and handed us a bill for the month with a demand for payment. We put her house on the market. It sold quickly and we took care of her at our house. Medicare did pick up the cost of hospice at the end. Those are some very special people.

 

A more specific answer is there are social workers that do provide valuable assistance. I would see if you can get a reference from her primary care doc.

 

Thank you sir, we will do that. Just making sure I'm not leaving something on the table as far as assistance for her goes.

 

Glad to be of any help. It is not easy or pleasant. IIRC, we were able to get someone to come in once or twice a week so we could get a break. Your wife will need relief. Caring for a parent is FAR more difficult than caring for a child.