Guys whose wives back them up.

I believe they, along with the "mullet" hair style are the standard uniform for identifying University of Florida graduates and fans.

 

It wasn't meant as disrespect. And I'm certainly no caveman, clubbing women...

There's a definite difference in communication and expectations between men and women, and whether I'm right or wrong, experience has taught me there are some un-communicated expectations that are generally present in most relationships. Obviously, anecdotally, there are exceptions to every rule, but it happens. Here's a good example - the perception that one might be "too available". This one has been biting guys in the ass FOREVER. If a guy likes a girl, or is in a relationship, and spends TOO much time together, sometimes it can lead to the end of the whole thing. Its not that he's a loser or doesn't have any friends, but more that he's preoccupied with the woman in his life than other things for a time. Rather than understand/accept, or even talk about it, too many women see it differently and decide, "oh, he's too needy" or "oh, he doesn't have a life" when that's not the case at all. Its not particularly anyone's fault, but definitely something to be aware of. Don't be too available.

This happens in marriage and leads to boredom at home. How often is it actually communicated? Probably not enough. Being that women call off marriages way more than guys do, I think most of us feel like it falls to us to do something more about it.

 

Well congratulations then, you've been assimilated.

 

Damn, you got a readers digest version of this post?

 

Help you out Huckleberry........He's got a KEEPER!

 

We all got keepers. Until they're not!

 

Zackly!

 

Obviously you did a horseshit job on the mounting.

 

Don't take too many of these posts seriously. Our culture as a whole is seriously fucked up. That means many men and women are either seriously fucked up, way too jaded towards the other gender due to being around seriously fucked up people, or both. Threads like these are shining examples of why so many relationships and marriages fail nowadays. There are still good men and women in the world (however scarce) and it seems you and Darren have each found those. I've noticed something about your relationship just from posts on here. It closely resembles something I see from a few of the couples I'm friends with. You poke and prod at each but it all seems in good fun and doesn't appear either of you get upset over it. Seems superficial at first, but I've noticed its a sign of comfortability and security, two of the most important aspects of a relationship. Also probably the best indicator I've seem that's visible from an outside perspective that's a sign of a healthy long lasting relationship.

 

No

 

My STBX went to a class reunion this past weekend. She actually did a great job at putting it all together. As the organizer, she was able to catch up with the life details of all the attendees. She did the calculations and 90% had been divorced at least once. Some, 3 times! Tragedy or triumph? Probably a good thing.

I think that your guess about those two is pretty spot on. Only thing that I would add is that maybe the past abuse has suppressed the inner hypergamy and given rise to a greater appreciation for his commitment and produced a love that is more objectively based rather than more performance based. In other words, a love that is more man like than woman like. Of course, I'm probably WRONG.

 

Nah. She's tainted. No one else will have her, so she puts up with my shit.

 

Darren loves Soft Cell!

 

Just so I'm understanding the tone of some of the posts, only single and divorced guys are real men. If you have been in a committed relationship for many years it's only because you let the wife take control and you have low T.

Does that about sum things up?

 

Long term and happy means you got it figured out. I was trying to make this point before, but "real man" shit these days goes way beyond acting alpha. Life is getting more complex all the time and real men are the ones who figure out how to make it all work without getting run over or flying off the handle.

EDIT: for the official record, divorced with a (soon to be) baby mama. Everyone is happy and no one hates each other. Grown up stuff.

 

A lot of that I think has to do with the world getting a whole lot bigger AND smaller at the same time.

100 years ago people's environment/social circles were MUCH smaller. People lived in small towns and villages, you might know a maximum of a couple hundred people your entire life, if that. The person you inevitable would settle down with and marry was likely someone from within your village/town etc, probably knew them most of your whole life. If you behaved inappropriately EVERYONE would know about it and you'd be walking around with a "scarlett letter" so to speak. There was incentive there to remain chaste, behave with somewhat of a moral compass and have some semblance of respect.

Nowadays its nothing like that. People's social network can span the country or even the globe. Its much easier to create subterfuge around poor behavior and indiscretions. We don't live in a society/environment that is conducive to long term relationships, having mutual respect for significant another, etc. We live in a society that is geared towards and facilitates instant gratification, silo'd off and singular existences from one another and eschewing traditional values of religion, family and the sexes....by and large anyway.




BTW, anyway catch this new series that started on HBO last week?

http://www.hbo.com/divorce

 

Alpha, the so called leader of the pack. That might seem to be where some strive to be but what about if you are smart and serve the Alpha up to be slaughtered first. I feel like the smart man is better off than the testosterone filled Alpha. I've seen it at work numerous times. Big dog Alpha makes all the noise, struts his stuff in front of everyone and is always trying to show how he is the smartest person in the room. Then shit hits the fan and he is the first one booted out the door. The smart guy uses the Alpha to get things done all the while convincing Mr. big Alpha male that it was all his idea in the first place. I have most always found that the Alpha is driven by ego and other things not related to logic. Those guys are easy to dominate and they don't even know it.

As far as females go, I think you just have to understand that they are wired differently than men and certain things that we don't really give a shit about can be earth shattering to them. We might not understand or feel the same, but at the end of the day, is it really worth fighting over? I mean just put the damn seat down, put your dirty clothe in the hamper and wash out the sink after you shave for gods sake! I'm not talking about getting walked on and used, but other day to day issues that can ruin a lady's day. I love my kids and our family and make sacrifices gladly to keep things going in a sane direction. I'ts really not a big deal to me. I have 5 motorcycles at the moment and my wife could care less if I bought two more tomorrow. As long as I am involved with her and the kids, life is good and since I love interacting with all three of them, its just seems too easy. I've been married 18 years and with her for 25.

BUT.........Your mileage may vary.

 

I think what you are describing is actually not an alpha at all. You're describing the guy who desperately wants to be an alpha but is too insecure in his own intelligence/masculinity/abilities/etc to just sit back confidently and get shit done. I very much have alpha male syndrome. But I don't feel the need to bear my teeth and roar at every opportunity, or worse yet, create "opportunities" to do so. I have a crew at work I'm in charge of and we get shit done. They know I'm the leader and generally do as I ask. I don't boss them around or walk around with my chest puffed out but I do radiate confidence. I only flex my muscles on the rare occasion someone decides to buck up about something they don't like in an unprofessional manner. Same with my wife. There's mutual respect there and I don't give her a reason to constantly challenge me. And I'm not gonna flip my shit every time some guy hits on her and show him I'm the bigger badass (unless he crosses the line of disrespect). I'll sit back and let him then say "shame she's already taken isn't?" Because I know what kinda man I and so does she. And I know I got that shit on lockdown. Puffing your chest at every opportunity just tells me your threatened by me.

 

I think you may be misconstruing the actual meaning of the term "alpha", at least as it pertains to this day and age. What you're describing is more along the lines of a posturing neanderthal than someone who is truly alpha. Real upper echelon men constitute a very small percentage of the population, those are the true alphas of society.

 

You can't teach "Alpha". I've met a handful and they were everything from a CEO to a waiter. And yes the wimmin folk flock to them irregardless.