Yesterday I spent the better part of the day hanging Christmas lights on our house for the chirrins. I had like eight beers so you know they're awesome. As darkness fell, I ushered out the family onto the front yard where the ol lady snatched up each child to her bosoms to keep them warm from the chilly night air. Each childs head was mashing a boob inwards and upwards. I stared at them and thought about making a move but, the chirrins were right there and I thought that would be weird. So I didn't. I did though, kneel down behind the front porch chair to get to the 6 way that was controlling all the electrical for the lights. I found the switch, looked out at my peoples, asked them were they ready, and hit the switch. Just for the briefest moment they lit up, and then went dark. I said....."Don't an-y-bo-dy-mooooove. I FUUUUUSE is out". Then I got up and ran off to the shed to get a fuse (I buy them by the gross). In fifteen seconds I had replaced the fuse, and was back out on the porch by the 6 way, ready to try again. I studied the 6 way with each slot filled up. There was the 100 footer lighting the icicle lights on the gutters. The 50 footer was lighting up the shrubs down at the lower right side of the house. My 25 footer lit up the other shrubs, and the two fake trees on the porch. The other three slots were filled with them cheapass cords with them 3 prong ends on them going off into varying degrees of the yard, and down to the garage. I looked at my people, asked were they ready (again), they stared boringly off into space nodding their heads as if to say "Hurry the hell up", and I hit the switch. It was glorious. The lights were beautiful. I got up and ran out to my people and stared at the lights with great admiration. I straightened my shirt, turned to my peeps, and proclaimed "You see this? It's a beautiful work of art. No other yard looks like this. NONE! This was done with my hands alone. It's a lot of hard work to pull off something as awesome as this but, if you have the fortitude, and the drive, YOU TOO....can accomplish a feat such as this!" As I said the words "such as this!", I threw my hand at the house while looking at my awesome work, and..........the lights went out. I said "SHIT!" The end.
