Most squidly thing you've ever seen?

This is some great reading!
Back in 2000 after the race season was over I started rebuilding my bike. Doing all the motor mods that I saved up for. I finished working on it mid winter. That spring I pulled out my bike to get it ready for the race season by taking it out on the road and do some fine tuning. Got on the highway up to 60 mph when the motor started to make a funny noise, then lost all power.

I forgot to put oil in it when I finished working on it duering the winter!

I worked at a motorcycle dealership and I've seen about everything that every one posted here. But the one that realy stands out for me was when a customer brought in a hunk of shit that he called motorcycle. I was standing off to the left of the bike and holding the bike up by the handle bar grip with one hand. The grip slipped off the and the bike hit the ground. I was standing their with a grip in my hand and a customers bike laying on its side.

 

Is that how you got your username?

 

damn that sucks.....twice!

 

well like most of u i also worked for a dealership for 8yrs total. i have several hundred stories but my fav are:

1. my first or second yearr of selling bikes i was taking a FZ1 off the center stand and needless to say it fell on me. I tried to stand beside it and rock it forward. As it started forward of the stand it leaned away from me. As i pulled it to me i lost my footing. While falling to the ground in the slowest decent you have ever seen my legs/feet go between the radiatior and forks. So buy the time it reached the ground i was half way under the bike. the customer i was showing the bike to lifted it off me...

2. The same FZ1, not another fz1 but the same freaking bike one week later as it came out of the service center from repair. my buddy and store owners youth minister rides in on his buell. So i had been telling him to test ride a fz1, of course its out side and he ask to ride it. its a saturday at 11. the busyest day and time of the week. i photo copy his lic and have him sign a waiver and off he goes. 10 min later a ambulance rolls by them some police. at noon i realize he hasent come back. a customer said a silver bike crashed up the road. my boss sent some one to see and of course it was him. but the bike was missing. the police let some guy push it around behind his mobile home 2 bolcks away(4 hours to find it). broke his back and arm(5 weeks in hosp). my boss threatened to make me pay for the damages if the guy didnt buy the bike. he did buy the bike and later crashed it agin riding with me.

3.Sold a dude a ninja 250 and every saturday him and his 250lb buddy rode it to the shop. it was always funny.

 

That particular FZ1 was an evil bike and should have been burned.

 

This threat is great! If I only had a cooler full of beverages and a camp fire, it'd be just like VMD at MidOhio!

But not like this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUPkXB4JQ8s

This is just plain wrong.:tut:

 

How do you change the idle on a 2007 CBR600RR? Seriously, no one answered my question in the tech section.

 

Maybe someone who texts often while riding would install one of those throttle-lock cruise control things?

 

Back in the day i made the mistake of going for a ride with my excellent- rider lunatic buddy..He was on his CB 900F,i was on my title -winning CB450t Hawk (whoopdie doo) lol.I was bound and determined, helped by a couple of drinks,DUMB! to show him that i could smoke him out of the hole.Well,at the next stoplight we sat at the light and i wicked up the Hawk dragrace style.Bang! next thing i knew my bike was vertical and i was chasing it lol.

 

That would be a 1979 honda CX500 liquid-cooled tansverse V-twin.

 

34 years in the motorcycle industry, I have seen some shit...

1973 - Worked at a BMW/Triumph/Jawa/CZ dealer in East Thetford, Vemont. Customer buys a Jawa 350 2-stroke twin. Gets on, refuses any instruction, revs the motor, dumps clutch, straight across parking lot, across US Route 5 and into the guardrail cables. Bike crushes front, then slowly pivots up and over the rail and down into the swampy culvert.

1 week later, we have the bike all repaired, the guy gets on, refuses instructon, repeats EXACT crash, including swamp. Climbs off bike, walks determinedly to his car, drives off, still wearing mud-driping helmet. Calls a week later, says "Keep the bike, I don't want it."

1986 - I owned a BMW shop on STaten Island, NY, but I rent a house right behind the Harley dealer on the other side of the island. From our porch we have a clear view of the side door and delivery area from the HD dealer, and across the street we can see the front and side of Staten Island Kawasaki.

Saturday afternoons, my housemates and I set up chairs and a cooler on the porch and watch the jackasses pick up their new motorcycles. Could not count how many couples buy a new Hog dresser, the guy climbs on and straightens the bike, then the wife or GF jumps onto the peg, swings her leg over and hooks the tour pak, flops her skanky big tits over the seat and unbalances the whole thing so that they slowly fall to the right. Never stops being funny.

Across the street at the Kawasaki dealership, the Ninjas are going out at the rate of one per hour all aftenoon. Almost every buyer clambers aboard in he de rigeur "Staten Island Racing Suit," i.e. shorts, wife-beater tank top, sneakers and helmet unstrapped. Each guy gets the standard ten second salesman "The clutch is over here..." speech. Then, as his friends look on, he climbs on, revs to 10K, punches the bike into gear and ground-loops on the side across the street and into the curb or into the parking lot of the White Castle.

One guy actually executed the left turn out of the lot, caught a three-gear wheelie, panicked where the road curved lightly to the left, and dumped the bike as he set the wheelie down with the front brake locked. The bike slid under a parked car, along with the rider, who was stuck under the car. The car gas tank was ripped open by a footpeg and the resultant conflagration killed the idiot in front of his wife and kids.

Many Kawi Ninja deliveries took place early in the AM, and by three PM the pickup trucks and vans would be lined up to disgorge the wrecked carcasses. There were several times that we walked over and counted five or more bikes with double-digit mileage on the odometers, and the bikes wrecked.

At my BMW store, we only had one guy crash on his first weekend of ownership, but he was entering Mississippi two days after buying the bike in NYC. He was clipped by a car driver. Most of the squid moments came when guys got suited up in new riding suits and tried to swing a leg over the saddlebag-equipped tourer, pushing it over.

1978 - Is there a reason that there are so many stupid dirt bike riders? I saw several guys load a dirt bike into a pickup, set the bike on the sidestand, then jump into the cab and drive away, with NO tie-down straps. The dirtbike shop where I helped out for a few weeks was one building away from a body shop that got really good at fixing dents and scrapes from tumbling dirtbikes.:crackhead:

2005 - CMP Trackday with Team ProMotion. Rider's Meeting, November morning, frost on the track, the bikes, etc. Coach repeats several times "Watch out for T1, it is really slippery in the AM."

First guy out, right off the grid, into T1 lowsides, busts a case and oils T1. Fucking dickhead. Cost us all about a half the morning before we could ride. d-bag.:down:

Way too many guys who believe that it only takes posession of testicles to ride a motorcycle.

 

Which goes a long way towards explaining why the board lawyer, Jackie, wants to discuss his next car...

 

Pure gold right there

 

I had one almost moment...

As a co-worker of mine and I were headed out the door, he saw me going toward my bike and we started talking about it. He asked if he could ride it around the block and I gave him a funny look. He assured me that he could ride, so I gave him the keys. He got on it, looks at all the controls, then looks me straight in the eye and says "Okay, which one is the cluch again?"

Needless to say I told him to get the F off of my bike.

The other moment I had was when I had my CR125 and one of my buddies offered to load it in my truck for me. I told him to get a running start at the ramp and jump into the bed of the truck and I'd get the tie-downs from there. Well, he got the running start part right, but he failed to even ATTEMPT to get into the bed of the truck and proceeded to just basically throw the bike into the bed, causing it to fall over and dent the side of the truck.

Thanks for the help.

 

there's two things i don't loan out to folks in general:
- my bike
- my pool cue

you just don't ask. i may offer it...but don't ask. it's like asking to borrow my dick.

 

TMI

Not something I wanted to hear...

 

Do you get this request often? Most often from men or women?

 

Shoot, I've loaned mine to plenty of chicks. Other than this slight burning I get, it's never really been a problem!

 

I guess I started out as a squid, and I didn't even know what a squid was.

I was 16 years old and I wanted to buy my first bike. A friend with an rd250 teaches me basic operation in a parking lot and convinces me that I should get a 2-stroke "cause they're easier to maintain". So I search the classifieds and find a 1971 Kawasaki H1 triple - an awesome starter bike! I show up to buy the bike wearing a muscle tee, jeans shorts and chuck taylor high-tops (for ankle protection). For $300 I get a dirty, barely running H1 and a 20 year old helmet which I don't wear because it's got spiders living in it.

My plan is to ride it to a friend's garage so my folks don't find out and to have my buddy follow me in my car. I manage to get the bike started, put on my Ray Bans (it was the 80's, dude) and hit the road.

This bike was not running right at all, I found later that one of the three cylinders was cutting out intermittently. I'd keep whanging on the throttle just to keep the engine lugging along without completely bogging out, it would slowly pick up speed and at right around 5k, BAM! Instant wheelie! I managed to survive three of these before I finally made it to the highway, where 10 minutes down the road, the bike began to sputter and lose power fast. I panicked and dove across two lanes of traffic without looking to get off the road, very nearly planting myself into the front of a maroon astro van. Turns out the oil injection was way lean and the bike had a minor seizure.

After cooling off, the bike did restart and I made it all of the way to my buddies' street where I blew the turn (not knowing anything about leaning or counter steering) and rode a graceful arc up & over the curb, the tree lawn, side walk and about three front yards before getting it back onto the street. I'd just narrowly avoided parked cars, garbage cans, mailboxes and landscaping of varying description. I was a freakin' menace.

It must be true, God looking out for children and fools, cause I was both that day.

 

Okay, Putnam Park. (NESBA) I got the bump to A and was so excited. I was talking to all my buddies on how smooth I was and turned a couple 118's. I didnt want to miss a session. All of my buddies where riding in the I class. I forgot to put my warmers on and dumped it in turn 1 going about 100. The bike preceded to catch the grass and jump 15 feet up in the air. Bike was trashed.