For the guys with dynos.................

What are some of your "favorite" dyno customers?

I'll start with the guy who does all his own work and then during the runs everything falls off.

Ok go!

 

Everyone that shows up with the gas tank empty.

 

Related to cars, and specifically boosted applications, but guys who don't show up with extra spark plugs and guys who don't understand why their year old q16 is bad.

 

The guy whose stock baseline run was from sportrider magazine. He wants to know why his Akro Evo lost him 15hp.

 

#1 peeve has to be the empty gas tank. That happens all the time. Other things:

- Bike does not run. (WTF?)
- Parts fall off, go under the tire and fly everywhere.
- Cheap chain snaps and hits you in the back.
- Ebay engine pops on the first pull.
- Bike was built by XYZ shop and then I'm supposed to diagnose why the power sucks so bad.
- Bike has coolant lines hooked up wrong and blows antifreeze everywhere.
- Drag bikes. Seriously, just go away!
- Bike built by shop XYZ, fuel line blows off and dyno room goes up in flames.

Yeah that last one pissed me off pretty good.

 

Back in the mid 90's a local shop had open dyno days once a month. Mostly the sportbike crowd showed up. I had a 85 ZX900 that was putting out around 130hp at the rear that I had way to much money tied up in. As we rolled my bike out after a run a older Harley grey beard, coughed and announced "That ain't fuck'in shit... Watch this..." They rolled his MEGA buck billet twin thing in that had a Holley twin barrel sitting on a tunnel ram stuck off the side. As they got it into gear and started the run, it began to shoot 2 foot flames out the pipe. Not those lame add-on type things that look like an out of control Zippo, but like oxy-acetylene blue welder type flames. It must of burned a gallon fuel during that pull. The noise this thing made was unreal. It was on the level of top-fuel dragster noise, it was painful and the dyno was in a sound booth. They finished the run and started to roll the bike out, it had left black scorch marks on the dyno room door a foot in diameter. The dyno operator was shaking his head trying get his ears working again as the sheet was printing out. 43hp....

 

So did you ask him how he got the extra 5hp out of that Harley?

 

Anything with all the stock bodywork still on it. Especially BMW S1000s. $75 extra. Never had a problem with the empty tank, half the time it's coming off anyway because the filter is dirty or the owner worked on something under there before he brought it. My dynos were raised, not built flush, so lowered and stretched bikes required extra help which was a bitch in my one man shop, but the drag bike guys would pay cash and usually not whine about price. I had a few who would return and tip me with the grudge money.

 

Don't some of those guys come with wads of cash though? Around here they do at least...

EDIT: Didn't see Rick's post.

 

ATL guys are the best when it comes to paying for stuff, the high money grudge race guys anyway. I've sold some stuff to a few and they came with cash and lots of it and ended up buying a bunch more stuff they saw hanging on the wall.

 

I'm a picky bastard what can I say? Around here the drag guys bring in ZX14's with cobbled wiring and shoddy nitrous installs and extended arms that they forgot to put the bushings in so that the bike hinges in the middle during a pull, and... It's more like V7 instead of MotoAmerica if you get my drift. There are good ones now and then, but I still cringe when I hit the NOS button.

 

I've been in the shop while Huey has tuned probably 500 bikes. . .my favorites have always been the ebay/autozone exhaust guys (no muffler, just a shitty tip bolted on the midpipe) and the guys who can't figure out the difference between brake and wheel horsepower (ie, "Triumph says my bike makes 130 hp stock, so why does your dyno say 105?")

 

Smoky two-strokes not in there anywhere?

 

There's only one allowed and that's yours, so it's all good.

 

not a dyno thing but about 20x a month someone comes in with either a blown head/vavle cover gasket and a "severely slipping clutch" (and its been that way for a year or two)

EVERY time it's 1-2 qt over filled and the clutch lever/cable is vice grip tight

Who needs a fucking manual???

They just go ahead an assume gaskets, clutches, chains, and batteries should be replaced every year and that's life.

and when it's not that its a "bike bout caught on fire and now it wont turn over" and surprise they have the most ridiculous rats nest of LED squid light wire jobs spliced randomly somewhere in the harness.

Oh and the guy with 2 bolts in the cush drive....been like that for a year

 

we took a 900rr on a trade once. I pulled 11 lbs of lights and other bullshit reflectors,mirrors, and switches off of it. oh, had neon tubes inside the fairings too.

 

"Hey I live 6 hours away and my exotic beauty doesn't run right at all and it has all sorts of stuff done to it by all sorts off different people and I'm just gonna wait for it same day because you guys should have it running right because you said you are good and it should only take a few hours."

 

Ahh, the "Built by Committee Bike." Gotta love that.

 

Cannot tune correct air/fuel mixture. Then figuring out the owner had a 600 ECU in a 750.

 

Here's an actual recent quote..."There's no way my bike gained that little horsepower, I've done my research on the internet."