Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

3027 years from today, life will either be REALLY good, or REALLY bad...











It's 5050.

 

Oh, shit... I'm usually quicker than that.



Now I get it.

 

"What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blowjob to Willy Nelson?"








"I'm not Willie Nelson"

 

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 53.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'



'No,' I said. He looked at me and said,...







"Then, why do you even give a shit!?"

 

BREAKING NEWS!!!

We just found out that the guy that fell from the 15th floor nightclub...



...was not a bouncer.

 

A (former) russian oligarch?.....

 

^

 

A pox on that runt.

 

I'd find a soft spot in my heart for pretty much anyone if they made my precious metals investments double (or more) overnight.

 

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked up a box of tampons, and proceeded to the counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

 

Some watery tart would have tossed a better joke anytime.....

 

Spoken like a truly moistened git.

 

who smells of eldeberrys

 

WTF are you old farts on about now?

I think I know what @Gorilla George feels like when y'all are tossing obscure references.

 

Burn the witch!

 

auminer turned me in to a newt!










I got better...

 

Must be something from Monkey Pylon.

That shirt is puerile and idiotic.

 

Dweebs abounding.