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Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

Discussion in 'General' started by Pepe Le Ghey Pew, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Realized I had to use the bathroom.

    Got up and walked across the house to the pantry.

    Forgot why I went to the pantry.

    Remembered that I had to use the bathroom.

    Walked across the house to the bathroom.

    Sitting on the throne, I remembered what I went to the pantry for...






    ...toilet paper.

    :(
     
    zx6rfool, Banditracer and cha0s#242 like this.
  2. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    I arranged to have a threesome the other night.

    There were a couple of no- shows, but I still had a good time.
     
  3. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?


    Because the p is silent.
     
  4. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    My dick was in the Guiness Book of World Records.





    Then the librarian told me to take it out.
     
    sharkattack and Banditracer like this.
  5. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    Where do terrorists go when they die?

    Everywhere.
     
    Banditracer likes this.
  6. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    I went to the doctor, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, and he said, "because in trying to examine you. "
     
  7. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    Say what you want about deaf people...
     
    auminer likes this.
  8. cha0s#242

    cha0s#242 Ignorance and prejudice and fear walk hand in hand

    “Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.
    The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”
    The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”
    The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”
    The third old guy said, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.”
    The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”
    After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”
    The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”
     
  9. zx6rfool

    zx6rfool Stacks Wood

    Man goes to the doctor and after the exam the doctor informs him that he needs to start taking a new medication. The medication is a suppository. The man is uncomfortable inserting the medication himself, so the doctor suggests he has his wife help him and the doctor helps to administer the first dose. Later that night the man is at home with his wife and she is helping him administer the medication. The man bends over and his wife braces him with one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. The man quickly and loudly says "Oh shit!" his wife says "Im sorry, did I hurt you?" he replies "No, I just realized the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!"
     
    R Acree and rd400racer like this.
  10. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

    They walk up to God and ask to be married.

    God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.

    Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

    A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

    God responds, "It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"
     
  11. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    A Scottish man walks into a bar in Canada.

    He noticed there was an animal head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it.

    "A moose" replied the bartender.

    "Jesus fookin Christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the Scot.
     
  12. TLR67

    TLR67 Well-Known Member

    What has 3 heads and flies??????
















    Jeffery Dahmers refrigerator....
     
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  13. zx6rfool

    zx6rfool Stacks Wood

    Probably a repost, but...

    Man find a lamp, rubs it genie pops out and says "you get 1 wish."
    Guy says "Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but Im scared of planes, and get sea sick. Build me a bridge from Ca to Hawaii".
    Genie says, "Do you have any idea how much concrete that would take, the logistics, the height of the pillars, off shore gas stations, bathrooms, stores, environmental impact, etc? Absolutely not! Wish for something else."
    Guy say "ok", and starts to think for a bit, then says, "Genie, I wish to understand women."
    Genie asks "Two lanes or four?"
     
    bpro likes this.
  14. rd400racer

    rd400racer Well-Known Member

    I just found out that cock fighting is done with chickens. That's 12 months of training wasted.
     
  15. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    There's a coxswain joke in there somewhere, Coastie! :crackup:

    :beer:
     
    rd400racer likes this.
  16. zx6rfool

    zx6rfool Stacks Wood

    SouthPark did it.

    Rany Marsh, Cock Magic..

    [​IMG]
     
    rd400racer likes this.
  17. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Americans still don't fully understand the metric system.

    But we're getting there.


    Inch by inch.
     
    R Acree likes this.
  18. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Why did the trans man only eat salads?



    He was a her-before.
     
  19. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    What did one lesbian say to the other?

    My face or yours?
     
  20. tzrider

    tzrider CZrider

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