Divorce help - God Damn Epidemic

I wonder what the odds are he doesn't get an attorney ?

 

Taking most of the advice here, found out she has already set up an apt with an att, Im looking to do the same ASAP when they open Monday. Kids home, and my future income and my retirement will probably be the spots of contention.

Mods please merge. This is a rerun of the same show in the main divorce thread.

 

The infidelity coupled with the moving out would be a big win. Her attorney will argue that she stay home. She just told you this info, or you found out?

 

My take..

I was told by my lawyer. once discovery is filed, you cant do it. prior to that anything goes. either party. If the spouse sells your stuff, tough crap, it is still part of the communal marriage property, same with running up credit cards.

Also, the more you have at discovery, the mor the lawyers can milk you for in the kangaroo court... my .02

 

There has been advice given on getting thr best lawyer you can buy...how fo you know you are getting a good one as you shell out the big bucks?

Never been divorced, so how would someone know they are getting top service for the money? Just curious how it works to ensure money isnt pissed away.

 

Do they shit in forts? You’re golden. Do they drive a yeller Ferrari? Prepare your celebratory hookers and blow rebound party.

 

That is a good question. Isn’t there a range that lawyers can charge? I would love to hear from a yella Ferrari driving professional.

 

One trick that I’ve been told does work - take a consultation meeting with all the local heavy hittin lawyers. Once they’ve met with you, they can’t represent her.

 

Sorry. Sometimes things stop working and you need to split. It's painful, it sucks, it's expensive, it's confusing, and it really fucking hurts for a long time. But it does give one the time to turn inward and figure out who they really are,what they want out of life, and realize that happiness is never found in another person - you are the sole person responsible for being happy, no one else can *make* you happy.

Daniel Sloss is a comedian that has an interesting POV on this. Netflix has his show called Jigsaw available, it's worth a watch.

It sounds cruel: but lawyer up, go low contact unless its necessary communications about the children, and keep the emotion off the table. It is really confusing to be on the receiving end of emotionally void communications when you have been with the person for a long time, but it is absolutely necessary no matter how much she cries and fights it. If you move money now, the courts will look unfavorably on you, heed the advice of a lawyer.

You have kids, you will have to learn how to communicate with this woman until they are both adults. Start extracting yourself from her emotionally and treat her as a co-parent only.

The other thing: no phone conversations unless they are recorded - stick to email and text.

 

That's a excellent question and my good friend found out the hard way. He was married for 3 years...that's right, 3 fucking years. She worked off and on during that time while he had a good job at UPS. She got a good lawyer...him, not so much. He had a house before they met and it was fairly well paid for. Anyway, she got half of his pension plus costs on what was paid out for the house over those 3 years. In the end he had to come up with $125K in 60 days to pay her off.

For 3 years of marriage. (no kids)

 

Some guys get laid...he got fucked.

 

This...

Get a plan for the finances, and then file.

 

holy crap. a new identity would have been cheaper...

 

Gotta share this shit. Yesterday we are getting ready for Church as a family, we literally last week officially joined the church, the process took some time, the week before the kids were baptized. Her plan was to take the kids to the air and space museum and give me a day off. Before church she asks, "Is it ok if I invite Andrew" the other guy. I said "No, its not appropriate to have him around our kids, and honestly your lawyer would tell you its a bad idea." Well guess what the fuck she does. Then later says "You are right it was a bad idea, I wont bring the kids around him anymore." WTF, I told you not to, WTF.

 

Also please fucking help me, I keep falling in the trap, I still love her and Im screwing myself, God help me I kissed her again tonight. Fuck this sucks.

 

You need to work up some anger.
You don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

That’s not love - it’s desperation. Once you come to grips with it, things will improve.

In the meantime, you need to listen to what some of the people here are telling you. Create some distance. Do stuff with the kids, but not „family“ things. You need to stop interacting with her, especially since she is blatantly engaged in an affair. If you keep up the „family“ stuff with him in the picture, you are telling her, and the world, that you are ok with it.

 

And start taking some control. Make your own plans for your own benefit and purposes and convenience.
She disrupted the family, don't let her push you outside so things are easy for her.
You decide where the kids go and when; you need to keep their lives as normal as possible.
Mom is fucking their lives up, you have to put them first and be as reliable and responsible as you can.
And tell Andrew to stay away from your property. Don't make any threats, just look him in the eye so he knows you mean it.

Lastly, stop being alone with her at any time, it's nothing but danger.
She knows she can manipulate you and she will.
It's over, she doesn't care how bad that hurts you.
Don't torture yourself thinking you can go back to what you thought you had.