“Going down to Branson…”

Rent a boat/pontoon for an afternoon. I would suggest doing that at a lake other than Table Rock. Bull Shoals lake is nice and not crowded like TR will be.
There are a lot of cave tours in that area as well.
Top of the Rock has a few different options for tours. I'm not sure how much your girls would be into that sort of thing.

And yes, you are crazy for wanting to go there. The place will be packed especially this weekend. Driving anywhere in Branson will be a zoo.

 

Hoe-tel is 6.5 miles from the water park.

I think we’ll be

 

going down to branson gonna have myself a time, friendly faces everywhere...

 

Silver Dollar City is a fun time. Yes, it's got all the cliches of cottontops, rednecks, etc., but it really is a fun family friendly time.

 

Well we made it, gawdammit!

This place is like Wisconsin Dells, if Wisconsin Dells had more than one hill.

Girls already in the pool. That’s a success.

Now to figure out what’s for dinner. Girls wouldn’t let me stop in KC for BBQ, and *now* they want BBQ. Passed a Famous Dave’s, hoping to find something *not* a franchise.

And don’t get me started on the rental car…

 

So tell us about the rental car....

 

A photo is worth a thousand (curse) words…

300 miles into a 1500 mile round trip.

First time I’ve ever molested a hybrid. These fucking things are damn near impossible to maintain a steady speed with. Was (and am) not a happy camper with what passes for “customer service” from the nationally branded car rental company.

 

So did you read the manual like it suggested ?

 

Look buddy, as soon as Rage Queen comes off his cortisone cycle, he’s drawing a map for me.

First thing I did was call the office I rented from. “Aww gee, that’s rough, how about you not fuel it up when you bring it back and we’ll call it square?”

Second, I called the Toy-Odor dealership nearest my location, who told me that if there are any service messages, that will stop the cruise control from working…lo and behold, there was a service message saying that required maintenance was due *soon*…not “overdue” or “DUE RIGHT FUCKING NOW”. Cleared the service due messages, and yet, the CC still refuses to work.

On a side note, fuck Toyota disabling systems that have nothing to fucking do with any “problems” that exist, in order to aggravate you into bringing the car in for a $17,000 service visit.

Third, stop at a local office in Springfield MO, and they offer to put me in a gasser, they don’t have any hybrids and none of the other area offices have any hybrids. But I should “go to the airport, they have more selection than we do”. Well let’s call them to get this arranged, I’m on vacation, FFS. “Oh, we can’t call them, they don’t have a number we can call, and we can’t check their inventory, you’ll have to just go there and see if they can help”. Riiiiiiiight.

Fourth, call “national customer service” to be greeted by someone with an accent so thick and speaking so fast that he has to repeat himself multiple times to even half-assedly communicate. “Oh, this needs to be escalated, the escalation team will call you back with a solution.

2.5 hrs later, still no call.

And yes, I read the fucking manual. It was as useless as that oh-so-informative fuck you message.

 

I'm easy to find, just follow the Canadian border, you'll end up in my yard.

 

Next time, "oprima el numero dos para Español", and when the agent answers, apologize, and get your call handled by a bilingual US based agent who is probably far more capable than Rajneesh.

 

He would have been the one to answer that option…he didn’t have a 7-Eleven accent…

 

And as predicted, this place is an absolute zoo. Traffic is crazy, the local shops are all packed out the door, me and the shawtie are at Famous Dave’s getting fat and sassy, and her sister gets to pick the leftovers.

 

And fer serial, dafuq is up with this place? Sure, it’s 4th of July weekend, so fireworks stands are going to be up everywhere, but the only thing that’s muscling them out for retail space is all the fucking weed shops!

 

Get you some tied stick and chillax, brah....

 

I’ve hit every damn one since crossing the border!

All I gotta say is if this supposed to relax me…

 

Toyota isn't the only automaker that disables the cruise control when something is amiss. My Saabaru does the same thing. Annoying as fuck when some emission control fails, would cost thousands to fix, provide no meaningful improvement to the exhaust quality, yet deprives you of an option that is functional and paid for.

I'll purposefully run oil in my gas to make up for the inconvenience. Who doesn't like the smell of 2-strokes in the morning?

 

Same here.

Fucking weed shops everywhere. Tired of seeing them, their billboards, and planes flying by towing banners, to be honest.

 

Cinco de Julio update:

Kids are having a fucking blast! So worth dealing with the traffic.

And if you’re not a complete maroon, you can finger out how to get around the traffic on the lesser-traveled roads and pop up on the main drags in the right spot.

Definitely coming back.

 

They got a Buc-ee’s in Springfield!

Damn kids wouldn’t get their pictures taken with the Beav, it was too cringe for them.

So I bought some Buc-ee’s boxers while we were there, so they can see me in my skivvies to remember this trip!