So it is Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for my family, wonderful friends, my beautiful wife, my dogs and my health.

This year in particular I am thankful that my wife and I finally finished school, both got well paying jobs and for the first time in our lives have an abundance of money to pay our bills...

...making me extremely thankful that next year I will finally be able to spend stupid amounts of money on racing and track riding once again!!!

 

A lot but I'll stick with heavy wool socks for the public answer.

 

Thanksgiving has inspired some of the funniest jokes, quotes and sayings. So, sit back and get ready for some of the funniest jokes around.

How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A palgrim.


Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To try to hatchet!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?


Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.


Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!


A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
The father said with a long-drawn face, "I don't know we never caught one."

Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"


Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns).
The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”
The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”


What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
A Witch-bone

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!

What are unhappy cranberries called?
Blueberries!


Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wilma.
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
He was exceeding the feed limit!

What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.

How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

 

I shot a turkey this year, first time ever.

Boy, you should have seen the looks on the faces of the people in the meat section when the gun went off!

Thankful that I'm (moderately) tolerated at home by the ones I love.

 

I'm grateful there's always some stupid fucking retard saying some stupid fucking retarded shit like this, so's all of of NON stupid fucking retarded people can laugh at his stupid fucking shit.:up:

 

:tut:

 

Hah! Eh, nevermind.

 

I wouldn't go so far as to call christians retarded dude, kinda mean.

 

Thankful given recent events some people still have common sense and are willing to speak and follow it.

 

On a serious note


I am truly greatful for all of my lifes struggles. Past, present, and future. Because I am defined by them. They are the main source of my drive to exist.

#happythanksgiving

 

:up: Same here.Good one. Happy Thanksgiving

 

Yesterday for Thanksgiving, around ten of us in our family ran downtown (Detroit) in the Turkey Trot before the parade and Lions game. We all finished, met up at a bar afterwards and shared a celebratory drink. My dad was with us - not running, but holding a table at the bar which opened up at 7am. After that, but before going to meet up with rest of our family for Thanksgiving, dad asked if I wanted to drive by the old house we lived in, growing up. It wasn't far and I quickly agreed. It had been a number of years since seeing it.

The house was on a street called Bedford. Back then it may have been different, but now it lay in a not-so-nice part of the city. I was only 6 or 7 when we moved, but I remember the house fairly well. While it had changed and certainly looked worse, in some regards it didn't really look all that different. The brick was mostly intact, but awnings were missing with rusted frames left in the wind and the garage had been completely torn down. I remembered there being bars on the windows and door at some point after we left, but those had since been removed - maybe a small indication of things turning around in the city.

The drive to get to Bedford was more eye-opening however. Houses burned down - sometimes two of every five houses was charred and ashed as we drove. A number of commercial buildings as well - with only shells of graffiti-filled walls remaining, roofs completely caved in. People on the street walked by, accustomed to the visual - that was their normal. At the house, dad and I sat in the car staring intently from the street. I took a photo with my phone. We talked for a moment and proceeded to drive off, heading back to our normal lives.

I was reading this thread the other day and it was hard for me to come up with something I'm thankful for other than the obvious, "family and friends". That's what everyone says. It didn't feel authentic to me. The visit to the old house wasn't the first time seeing it since moving, but doing it on Thanksgiving had a way of putting things in a clearer perspective. Seeing how things were down there, thinking how things might have been - if we had never moved out of that neighborhood. It was eye opening.

So for me, I am extremely thankful for the life I have, without a doubt. 100%. My family, my friends, my health. It feels authentic saying it now.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

They will be allowed a two-up configuration to enable a mechanic to ride along.

 

Sweet Potato Pecan pie



Pumpkin Pie



And some cake for the heathens

 

Today, I'm thankful for electricity, which brings light, heat , and toilets that flush.
This week has been a bit of a challenge. We were supposed to go up to Montpelier to have Thanksgiving dinner with my wife's parents.
They went into assisted living this year, and my 93 year old FIL agreed to it only with the agreement he could keep his car. My MIL is five years younger, but has Alzheimers and no longer recognises my wife.
Sunday, my FIL was getting out of his car and fell. He had to use either a wheelchair or a walker to get around that night. He is very loyal to his wife and insists on taking care of her as much as he can, so he didn't want to go to the hospital.
Monday we get a call that they decided at the facility that he needed to go to the hospital, where they found he had fractured his femur. Tuesday we learn that the fracture was so high they decided to do a hip replacement.
Now we don't know what to do, but figure we can go up on Thursday and take the MIL over to see FIL.
Wednesday, it starts snowing about noon, heavy, wet snow and wind, and we lose power shortly after 9PM. Thursday morning we're dealing with no power, really heavy snow to clean up, along with branches down, and the people at the assisted living place tell us to not even try to come up and they will get my MIL over to the hospital.
My wife is feeling like crap with all this going on. Nothing she could have done, but this is what daughters do.
Anyway, we finally got power back today (Fri) between 11 and noon, and it's been lovely to shower, have heat and light, and to be able to flush.
Temp in the house was about forty, so it wasn't fun trying to sleep.
Oh, and I have internet, too. That's cool.
We missed Thanksgiving, but we got a turkey and I will cook it tomorrow.

In other news, my campaign to get my dog eye surgery is approaching $1000, and most of that came from you guys.
I can't tell you how humbled and thankful I am for your support.
I was drawn to the road racing community many years ago, when an old friend talked me into cornerworking while I was out of a job in the early 90's. My first day was flagging T12 at Loudon, and I was hooked on the excitement. This shit was real.
After that, I met some racers and their families, and they were over-the-top friendly. The brotherhood was something I had never known, and I kept coming back. Suddenly, I belonged to something special.
Being out there on the corners has been immensely fun and rewarding. When I posted about the campaign for my pup, I mentioned my time of "service", but it was incredible fun, and often very challenging. I can no longer do the job, but my memories of doing it are priceless.
Thanks to all of you, those I have met, and those I haven't.
You really are an awesome bunch.

 

Guess nobody told you God has a "smite" key on his keyboard

I am thankful that he doesn't use it on me..
Much

 

Simmer down, Francis.

 

Im thankful for an aweful lot...way too much to write ...hope everyone had a great thanksgiving