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I love my wife...and I love her grandmother but....

Discussion in 'General' started by Venom51, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. RossK6

    RossK6 Grid Filler

    My MIL passed away a couple of months back from complications surrounding Alzheimer's. She survived two and a half years after the initial diagnosis. The average is something like seven years after diagnosis. Not an easy road for anyone involved. Good luck to you.
     
  2. barnacle bill

    barnacle bill Darethea and B Bill

    prayers for strength

    for you and yours to cope everyday . this is a hard row to hoe ( I've done it twice already) and just try to get through one day at a time. the best to you and yours . bill and darethea
     
  3. Vitabrew

    Vitabrew Well-Known Member

    My grandma started swatting flies with her cane, can't tell you how many windows she broke!

    Look around for a local day program for seniors. They play bingo, do arts & crafts, socialize with other seniors, etc... They love it, it's good for them and their families.
     
  4. RoadRacerX

    RoadRacerX Jesus Freak

    I feel your pain, Kenny. My mother has an early onset of some form of dementia that started when she was about 70. It was discovered after an abrupt personality change that had her behaving totally out of character. Things like shoplifting and adversarial confrontations with strangers. And yeah, the same questions over and over and over. I think it is Pick's disease after a lot of research on the subject. It is treated with several Alzheimer's/frontal lobe disorder medications. There are tests like PET scans that may diagnose this disease, but I'm told the only conclusive way to know is a brain biopsy, which is normally performed posthumously. Anyway, she is in an assisted living where she copes but is never happy. Her geriatric psychologist is doing some good things with her meds, but she waxes and wanes between good days and bad days. The good days are becoming less and less. She is but a shell of her old self. All this said, she is my mom and I'll love and care for her until the day she dies.
     
  5. madcat6183

    madcat6183 2006 GSXR

    GF is a PT at a local facility and we just talked about this last night and the night before as one of her patients attacked my GF's assistant and bruised her up pretty bad.

    It really is terrible, and as they say "The mind is a terrible thing to lose". It really is true when you think about being physically healthy but no one is home upstairs....
     
  6. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    Well..I realize that we are supposed to have another 20 years to prepare for this kind of stuff and that her mother should really be dealing with it. This however is never going to work out as they don't get along at all. We are coping. Somedays are better than others. I had reached my threshold last night and vented here as nothing good would come of me blowing up in the house.
     
  7. RCjohn

    RCjohn Killin machine.

    One of my good friends recently found out her Dad is suffering from dimentia. It's really sad seeing it. Tough on her and her mother. Sucks too. I knew her parents before it started and he's fairly healthy and relatively young so it will be a long tough road.

    My grandmother had some sort of Altzeimers/etc. the last few years of her life. She had to be placed in a home. That was one of Dad and my Uncle's worst days ever. Strange thing with grandmother is she typically didn't remember anyone on most days but when my ex and I would visit she would always remember my ex and every Christmas present we ever bought her through the years.
     
  8. OldSchlPunk

    OldSchlPunk Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I know it isn't funny at all but I got a good laugh here. It seemed like you were venting. Very tough situation for you and your wife. I saw this with my grandfather and an aunt, it gets worse and will be draining. Prayers are out for you.
     
  9. ChuckS

    ChuckS Well-Known Member

    My Dad has Lewy Body Dementia, named for the characteristic bodies that form in the brain of those with the disease.

    Dad never asked for nor needed directions in his life, and suddenly he began getting lost. Dates, times, and directions were the first to go.

    There's no cure, just management of the symptoms. But he still remembers who I am and a cross-country motorcycle trip we took before they took away his driving/riding privileges. Unfortunately my parents live 14 hours away, so I can only talk to him on the phone. His lucidity fades in and out like an AM radio station at 1am, but I just surf along where ever the conversation goes.

    My point ? Don't guess I have one, other than don't get mad at her. She can't help being confused. At least in the case of my father, confrontation upsets his mental balance significantly. Come here and vent instead - good on ya for that.
     
  10. GCBusa

    GCBusa Well-Known Member

    Kenny, I understand your frustration. But like someone else said, she can't help it. We just moved my mother into a different "memory care" facility yesterday.

    I don't know how things are in your part of Georgia, but here in Birmingham the availability of quality "memory care" facilities is really limited, and most have waiting lists.

    We originally thought she would qualify for assisted living and we had already chosen a facility we were comfortable with, but about a week before we were going to move her we were forced to put her in the hospital to treat an infection and dehydration. And there after treatment we had her evaluated and found she couldn't score high enough on the standard mini-mental to get in assisted living. So we thought ok, fine, we will get her in a dementia facility, but quickly learned that it's not that easy because of the limited availability.

    So after a temporary stay in a facility that was not high on our list, we were fortunate that an opening came available at one of our facilites of choice and we moved her yesterday.

    I know that is a long winded story, but if you think she may be the long-tem responsibility of you and your wife, you can't get started early enough on doing your research on facilities and availability.

    Just don't want you to get caught by surprise like we were. While dealing with the day to day is frustrating, learning that you can't get your loved one in the facility you want when you want is worse.

    Good luck.
     
  11. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    We have hired some assitance. She is going to be here with us until she passes. Not only will she not give in to going to assisted living we don't want to put her there. We've just had our first day with the folks we hired and she seemed to do pretty well. I may still have to come here and vent from time to time but we'll manage.

    Between the new dogs, granny and getting the wife's home office built we just have a lot going on. I was not expecting to get a granny when we got the dogs.
     
  12. povol

    povol Well-Known Member



    Bless her heart.

    My mom is suffering from dementia and its only getting worse, just grin and bear it, and try to stimulate her mind any way you can. Sometimes crossword puzzles help. Her and my dad still live alone, but she is becoming more than he can handle and it scares him. He is still sharp as a tack and has total recall, while she calls occasionally and tells us there is a stranger in her house. Her dementia is caused by medicine she takes for Parkinsons, when she is off that, she is lucid. They are trying different medicines at the moment. Its heartbreaking to see someone you love go downhill menatlly, but you do what you have to do. Hang in there, your a good man for taking care of your elders
     

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