Moral dilemma…

There’s this immigrant Chinese couple that owns a tiny coffee/breffix shop across from my building that I get my morning drinks and sammies at almost every day. A few times I’ve had to choke/drag people out of their shop who were getting stupid. Everyone in the neighborhood stops there for breakfast/coffee. They’re older, and they work really hard.

Twice now in the last 2 months I’ve seen the wife with a FUCKED up face. The first time I saw her she hid in the back area of the shop for 2 weeks then only came out with a headscarf and face mask on after. It bothered me but I wasn’t sure what was going on. This morning she was in the back and he was working alone, she peaked her head out from the back REALLY fast to say hi to me… and her face was totally fucked up again. When I saw her it took everything in me not to jump over the counter and break his fucking face. She is the sweetest kind little woman.

now I’m stuck here at work stewing. What the hell can I do? Really? What can I do that wouldn’t make her life worse in some way. I’m SO angry.

 

Nice of you to be concerned. Have you (diplomatically) asked her or the SO what happened?

 

next time she rings me up I’m going to use Apple Pay and throw a note on my screen that says “blink twice if he hits you”

 

Who is beating on her, customers or family?

Unless she reaches out for help that's a slippery slope if its family fights.

 

Did you make eye contact with her? Do you feel like she was asking for help?

 

Other people's domestic situations can get YOU killed.
Tread carefully.

 

Its obviously him. He is very dominant toward her and her sister who also works there. when I saw her this morning I couldnt really hide my dead eyed glare when he handed me my food. He had fear in his eyes like he knew I knew. They’ve watched me commit acts of violence. I wish I could have kept my face in line. When I passed by the shop after walking outside and getting in my car he had made his way to the back… probably to scream at her for poking her head out

 

Sounds like he needs a punch to the throat and a lecture of beating on women while he's gasping for air.

 

I’ve met their son once. He’s a straight up gangster. Badass dude. I could wait to tell him that his dad beats on his mom. But I’m not sure when I’d see him again. I could call the authorities but what would that do besides make him angrier if they didn’t do shit.


UUGGHHH

 

^^^this^^^

 

Very very slippery slope. It's nice of you to care but in Chinese culture it's not as big of deal as USA. Not that it makes it anymore right but best thing you can do is reach out and ask if she needs help. If she says no then just take note and mind your business. If yes then refer to the proper authorities and let them handle it. You don't want to get involved.

 

Older, immigrant, her options (real or perceived) might be pretty limited. Might be best to say nothing to him unless you have a plan for what happens after it's out in the open.

Or…

Conspicuously leave a note on a napkin tomorrow as you walk away: "I know. Don't do it again. I'm not afraid of going back to prison."

 

Dear Cortez, it's been a really great time witnessing your growth and success over the years.

Please don't fuck anything up with violence that will get you back in jail.

And good for you for wanting to help her, but I don't know what you can do if she doesn't want it. Being an immigrant makes it doubly hard for her fear wise.

Maybe calling the department of family services and ask for advice anonymously would be a good start.

And please don't fuck up a customer to the point they could have you charged with assault!!!

Merry Christmas!

 

But if you do, livestream that shit!

 

I feel your anger but tread wisely.

 

Fear is a powerful tool to dissuade people from doing bad stuff. Sounds like he needs a healthy dose of it. But don't let it come from you. Go 3rd party.

 

Lotta conflict in your life man. Jealous husband, workplace retaliation, domestic problems in the local coffeeshop. Your heart's in the right place for all of it, but it's gotta be taking a toll.

My brother has young kids and he had to teach me about non-interference with them one day. The older one took a toy from the younger, the younger hit the older as a result, and I stood up and started to intervene - and he stopped me: "Are they bleeding? No? Good. They'll figure it out."

And, amazingly, they did. They both wailed briefly, then the younger said he still wanted to play with the toy, and the older said she was sorry and joined him instead of stealing it from him. The younger apologized for hitting, and all was good. Dad smiled knowingly and carried on his conversation with me.

I know the situations you're coming across are a lot more serious than toy conflicts and four-year-olds bopping five-year-olds... but they'll figure it out. You don't have to figure it out for 'em.

 

I look at these conflicts I post on here as journaling in a sense. A way to work things out in my head with you motley crew as the monkeys shaking the tree of my mind. Rarely (anymore) do they ever go beyond the my musings on the beeb because of that. Helps me compartmentalize my impulse to action.

 

If I see it happening real time I usually can't or won't restrain myself but it never ends well. They go back to abuser 9 times out of 10 and you have to go through all the hassle and potential repercussions.
People suck.

 

Bingo!