Top Ten Motorcycle Retard Quotes

"I actually ride better after a few beers". Harley dude at Quaker Steak after a couple of tall boys.

 

At a gas station, from a couple of "real" bikers on their Dresser/Big Dog: "dude, you oughta get rid of that rice rocket and get a real bike"...

The irony was even better because I was riding the Buell XB that day.....

 

Leaving base on my R1 one afternoon after work a couple years ago a Harley pulls up right next to me almost hitting me.
Harley guy- Whatch she got-inher?
Me- What???
Harley guy- Whatch she got-inher?
Me- 1000cc (I think he was referring to the engine size?)
Harley guy- Laughs Ha, my Harlee's got a...

Just then the light turns green, normally I ride like a saint on or near base but I felt hammering it through the first three gears was appropriate in this situation.

A few months later same time of day, same exact location and the same exact d-bag.
Harley guy- Whatch she got-inher?
Me- I tapped my helmet like I couldn't here him, I just wanted to mess with him.
Harley guy- Repeats himself louder literally yelling Whatch she got-inher?.

This goes back and forth 3 or 4 times then I finally raise my visor.

Me- Man, I couldn't here you over the sound of your badass Harley.

Then he fell right into my trap because I knew this was gonna happen. He gets a huge cheesy grin and rev's the shit out of bike. Thank God the light turned green and I left.

 

I have a couple old Honda Helix scooters. I don't know if you have ever seen one, but it is about the gheyest-looking thing on two wheels. Kind of like a jet-ski on little tires but much uglier. A few years ago I was riding one up near Main street during Daytona bike week and I could actually feel in the air the open contempt of any Harley guy I rode within ten feet of. Those scooters are actually pretty quick off the line because of the centrifugal clutch and variator combo and a torquey single. I would get next to a throttle-spazzing leather-vested harley guy at a light and completely let go of the handlebars and act like a nonchalant dork not paying attention at the light giving him thumbs up and shit. But I was paying total attention. The look on those tough-guy faces when they would finally catch me (about the time the next light was turning red) was priceless.

 

:up:

 

You must mean Kocinski when he got arrested at Laguna Seca after crashing out of the USGP.

 

It was kinda fun on a Pacific Coast too.

 

I swear to god every single dude that comes up to me or the group Im riding with to tell us how he used to have a bike, every single one of them for 7yrs now, used to have an R1.

 

This is not really something that was said as much as something that was funny.

About 8 years ago I am pacing my Dad around Hallett on a Friday practice day before the race weekend. He is on an SV wearing an Aerostich, clearly not a regular racer. Still, he is pulling laps about 8 seconds off a good SV lap and we are having some real fun.

At some point during the session an expert on an RS250 comes through me and then gets behind my Dad for a bit only to be stymied on passing. He gives the old head shake of frustration and finally makes is past my Dad. He then turns around, looks dead at my Dad and pats his tail section to say "follow me, I will show you how it is done"

The guy then low sides in the next corner. This provided plenty of laughs for the next two days.

 

Or their brother crashed his bike, and for some reason they think you care. I was getting my hitch installed, and the guy asked how much weight i planned to pull. I mentioned no more than 1,500 lbs. only 3 bikes would fit on my trailer.

So of course I had to hear all about his brother's wreck on a 750 with a turbo that ran 8's in the quarter mile.

 

Me: I'm doing a track day at Laguna Seca. (Acordding to the beeb, this could be a joke in itself)

Dude: Oh yea? I work there. My friend let me borrow his M1 superbike and I did a 1:30 around the track.

 

Funny....I had that on T-Shirts in 1994 and then someone told me in 2000-something "he made it up" and I was violating his copyright. I always loved that saying.

 

Lol, Travis this was at another place I worked. I haven't had any comedy come in like that here....yet.

 

He's not used to seeing anyone with that many teeth in his neighborhood.

 

Steve must be aging well.
Good guy; Mr Hospitality.

 

Haha, I knew that. He is a buddy of mine. I just had too many tabs open and was typing too fast.

 

Wow.

And I hate the "Barbers" thing. Sadly enough, I have even heard racers call it that.

 

getting on the Tuono outside of a convenient store.. Yo! data busa? Broke his ears with un-corked Akros

 

I get a lot of that on mine. People always asking what it is, never heard of an Apriluh, then I roll through their hood and set off all the car alarms.

At a Putnam trackday a few years ago a control rider (with a certain org that sucks) tapped on his tail for my buddy to follow him and promptly high sided it destroying his bike. My friend got it on film and when he showed me he said "he just went flying off through the air, I wasn't sure if I should follow him out there or what"