Top Ten Motorcycle Retard Quotes

I've been there once. I don't know squat about KTM's so stopped by to get some education on the difference between the 400 and the 450.

Sales guy: "I don't think KTM made a 400."

Lol, nevermind. Must have been the same guy!

 

Oh that reminds me of something.

At one time, I had a Gixxer 600 and a Gixxer 1000, both of the same year, both were black and gray, both with aftermarket black pipes. To the casual observer, it probably looked like i had 2 of the same bike.

I had them on the back of my trailer one time and a guy came up to me at a gas station and was like...

Dude - "I used to have some crotch rockets".

Me - "cool".

Dude - "What is the difference between those two?"

Me - "400"

He just stood there in silence, for like 10 seconds. It went straight over his head.

 

Like this guy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmj8Iw9XEkQ

 

I use to have a customer who like to pull the front end up when he was doing 190mph on I-285 around ATL. On his 750 no less. He could corner low too.

The "I had to lay it down" never gets old.

 

Two of my favorites

"There are 2 kinds of motorcycle riders. The ones who have crashed and the ones who are gonna crash."

"I don't need to wear a helmet. If I crash I know how to land without hitting my head."

 

Guy comes in with a 03 636. Tells me it's got all the work done to the motor including a stage 4 clutch which allows him to upshift without lifting or using clutch.

 

You should mic her up or one of those little spy cameras and put some footage on the Utoobz for everyone to enjoy.

 

Another good one:

"a 1000 is more stable on the highway than a 600"

Yeah, the extra 30 pounds really makes a big difference.

 

I would've replied with: "Have you had your urologist check that out?"

 

LOL. The only time I had a MC that would bury the speedometer, they had the mandated 85mph speedo.

 

Average phone calls to a motorcycle shop:

Caller: "Do you have gaskets for a Doke?"

Me: "A what?"

Caller: "A Doke? You know, it says on the motor DOHC. Doke?"

Me: "Oh, yeah, we got gaskets for that, which ones you need?"

Caller: "You know, the piston gaskets!"

Me: sigh

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Caller: "How much for a tune-up?"

Me: "What year and model motorcycle, sir?"

Caller: "I just want to know how much for a tune-up."

Me: "Well, sir, I need to know what year and model of motorcycle, because the service charges can vary."

Caller: "That include tires? I gotta get inspection."

Me: sigh

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Caller: "What's the fastest bike?"

Me: sigh

 

I dont know how many times i have heard somebody say (or seen them type)

"My Busa/Tiller/insert other heavy ass bike here...is more stable in the corners because it is heavier".

 

Gear is just ghey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zp_BWAcxnE

 

Goober Squid : I do one-legged stand-up wheelies at 150mph on I-20 wit my boys.

Me : Sure you do.

Goober Squid : Yeah I do.(Shouts to fellow moron) "Ay yo! Dis dude don't believe me!"

Me : And I still don't (eye roll).

 

Haha, she would probably do it too.

 

Good thing she has her riding gloves on..

 

In my leathers and gear, " aren't you hot in all that?"

How fast does it go?

Those things are too dangerous!

 

"Loud pipes save lives."

 

You beat me to it. I was going to put the same thing.