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New Religion in da house - Now Hiring

Discussion in 'The Dungeon' started by HPPT, Jun 23, 2006.

  1. HPPT

    HPPT !!!

    After reading so many times here that I should take God's existence for granted because I cannot prove he does not exist (and I won't even get into how ridiculous that line of reasoning is), I have decided to form a new religion. This thread shall be its holy book. If you don't believe anything that's written here, feel free to prove it wrong.

    Article 1
    I shall be referred to as the High Priest. Our God speaks through me. Therefore, my word shall be final.

    Article 2
    Mya shall be the High Priestess. Members shall bow to the perfection of her booty. The high priest shall be granted unlimited sexual favors from the priestess.
    [​IMG]

    Article 3
    Membership in the church shall require symbolic financial contributions in the amount of $3000 per year or 10% of the member's gross income, whichever is larger.

    Article 4
    Each member of the church shall start with a capital of 12 points redeemable for preferential accommodations in the next world upon the member's death. Violations of the 10 Commandments shall result in points deductions following a scale that will be arbitrarily drawn by the high priest in each case.

    Article 5
    When the time comes that our God has had enough of our behavior, the earth shall be drowned for a period not to exceed 40 days. The high priest shall be provided a vessel to save the DNA necessary to repopulate the earth with all that is good. The holy Kawasaki watercraft shall therefore carry the high priest, the priestess and a pack of Oscar Mayer bacon.

    Article 6
    Prayer shall consist of a minimum of two weekly hours of refined motorsports on television. The high priest shall define the required level of refinement. Arbitrarily. Chances are very good that monster truck racing will not qualify. NASCAR's chances don't look good either.

    Article 7
    Amendments to the rules shall be made on occasion to reflect changing realities or to make up for oversights.

    The 10 Commandments
    - Thou shalt worship other gods at your own peril.
    - Thou shalt not steal. Especially not another man's motorcycle, fool.
    - Stupid shalt result in pain.
    - Thou shalt not kill. Except rapists, molesters and murderers. And motorcycle thieves.
    - Thou shalt not tap your friend's woman.
    - Thou shalt not concern yourself with someone else's private life.
    - An eye for an eye. Enough said.
    - Thou shalt teach your children you are the boss.
    - Thy children are no better than anyone else's. Accept it.
    - Thou shalt lie with impunity to spare a woman's feelings.
     
    Phl218 likes this.
  2. panthercity

    panthercity Thread Killa

    The House that Papa built!
     
  3. Hawk518

    Hawk518 Resident Alien

    If I am allowed to join with a little white lie, please accept my $3,000 contribution (entrance fee).
     
  4. Ex CCS Racer

    Ex CCS Racer Banned

    $3k? That's it? What's Level 2 cost?
     
  5. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    Tony, you broke one of the Commandments. You couldn't get in even if you coughed up $6000. :p :D
     
  6. Ex CCS Racer

    Ex CCS Racer Banned

    Damn #5....
     
  7. HPPT

    HPPT !!!

    All members start with a clean slate. Of course, the high priest decides who gets in to begin with.
     
  8. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    Sorry Papa-style-dude I'm out.

    Article 2 is just too tough a pill to swallow.
     
  9. Ex CCS Racer

    Ex CCS Racer Banned

    What?!?! Dave, you've never tapped black ass?


    Edit- don't answer that, I know you s/o comes here.
     
  10. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    I may have but Mya sure doesn't adjust the vertical on DKTV.
     
  11. RoadRacerX

    RoadRacerX Jesus Freak

    Oh brother!!! Papa, how do you expect those prayers to take when you start this sh#t??? :D
     
  12. Robert

    Robert Flies all green 'n buzzin

    Followers would be, what, Thiamists? Papaistas? Or would that make it some freaky type of idolatry? Does two hours of watching lawn mower racing count as prayer? What track in Europe is Mecca? WTF is with the bacon? Most important, are contributions tax-deductible???

    Geez, I'm posting in a holy book! :D
     
  13. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    Beats joining the church of Dave K. We're more radical and fundamentalist than Thiamist. We believe in much the same but replace Mya with Uma and the chick from the Fifth Element and that under article 6 only F1, motorcycle roadracing and ALMS fits.

    And eye for an eye is replaced by The whole f@cking head for an eye.
     
  14. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

    Can I be Treasurer?
     
  15. RoadRacerX

    RoadRacerX Jesus Freak

    You'd need to ask yourself, WWKD? What Would Kevin Do? He raced NASCAR, too, and loved it. :D
     
  16. Dave K

    Dave K DaveK über alles!

    I'm convinced Kevin was drugged by The Yamaharickist when he did that.
     
  17. RoadRacerX

    RoadRacerX Jesus Freak

    Racers race. :up:
     
  18. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

    :stupid: Everyone knows that the most perfect ass in the universe belongs to Racquel Darrian.
     
  19. mad brad

    mad brad Guest

    yep. butT, nina hartley, and amber lynn get ultra mega honorable mentions. :up:
     
  20. Buckwild

    Buckwild Radical

    You infidels shall burn for blaspheming the high priestess.
     

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