Sh@t that never works for you...

I have things in my life that just never ever seem to work. Doesn’t matter if it’s brand new, it’s FUBAR 99.9% of the time:

1. Trailer wiring. Doesn’t matter, brake lights never work right, even when the trailer and truck new off the lot.

2. Weed eater spoil. Sumbitch can line up perfectly and be factory a-ok and will not feed.

3. Poached egg.. apparently an easy skill that I can’t master. Good thing the dogs like
Eggs

then end

 

Warning people that what looks like a trap, smells like a trap and everyone else tells them in a trap IS a trap.

I can hold it until the next rest stop, I kinda need to pee but I don't NEED to pee yet.

I'll be quick, just need to grab a bag of ice, a bottle of water and a pack of smokes, there can't be many people at the packie.

 

What the hell is a packie

 

I am reasonably mechanically inclined but any time I try to do just about anything on my bicycle I make up new cuss words and throw tools across the garage.

 

I believe that is what the Yankees call a convenience store

 

Should I post a link to the divorce thread?

 

The one on the receiving end.

 

A small Piggly Wiggly?...

<That kind of took me aback when I was asking for direction for a supermarket in Wisconsin....>

 

Package Store.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquor_store

 

Adjusting toilet tank innards. I can't make heads or tails of them. And I'm a fukking gas turbine engine guru!

 

I hear ya.....I can build you almost anything, but getting that damn water level regulator thing right is impossible.

 

Wrap it more carefully. If it's a bird's nest, it ain't gonna spool...and don't wrap it completely full.

 

Computer printers.

There should be a national holiday where everyone takes them out in the back yard and shoots the shit outta them.

My office printers never make it 3 years.

 

My achilles heal is anything with brake fluid. Slays me every time.

 

my Pipe Bombs never seem to go off correctly. They are supposed to shower the victim with glitter, ghey poster shreds and ball bearings.

 

You know....I tried condoms twice. They didn't work either time.....to hell with those things.

 

Note to self: check brake fluid in rental Royale Enfieldo prior to departure.

 

Daughters.

 

Wrapping presents. I astound myself with my poor performance.

 

Pulling a bike strap from one end across any surface without the other end getting firmly hooked on something that would normally blow over in a light breeze yet is now anchored like it was cast into place. The other side of that would be pulling a bike strap from one end across a surface with all kinds of what you would think to be easy to grab anchor points and not catching a fucking one.