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Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

Discussion in 'General' started by Pepe Le Ghey Pew, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. cha0s#242

    cha0s#242 Ignorance and prejudice and fear walk hand in hand

    Repost, but still funny :D
     
  2. fastfreddie

    fastfreddie Midnight Oil Garage

  3. DrA5

    DrA5 The OTHER Great Dane

  4. pscook

    pscook Well-Known Member

    What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?

    A goldfish mucks around fountains.



    What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?

    A pick pocket snatches watches.



    Credit to Redd Foxx.
     
  5. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    Wonder if Redd Foxx originated the one about the difference between a girl's track team and a group of smart pygmies. "The pygmies are the cunning runts."


    And I know I probably posted this one in this thread a long time ago.
     
  6. Sabre699

    Sabre699 Wait...hold my beer.

    What's the difference between a nun and a whore in the bathtub?
    The nun has hope in her soul.

    What's the difference between a baby and a seagull?
    The seagull flits along the shore.

    What's the difference between circus acts and a whorehouse?
    The circus acts have an array of cunning stunts.
     
    extremely_slow and scottn like this.
  7. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    Heh, I was about to post another old joke my uncle told me when I was about 15. Then I thought to myself, "I've probably told this one here before."

    So I did a search. I've posted that same joke 3 times now.


    Getting old sucks but I guess it beats the alternative. At least the third time I was using the punch line as a response, so I guess there is that.
     
    K51000, tiggen and cha0s#242 like this.
  8. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Difference between the Panama Canal and a blonde?

    Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
     
  9. In Your Corner

    In Your Corner Dungeonesque Crab AI Version

  10. tzrider

    tzrider CZrider

    The usual comment: 'Harsh, ...but fair' comes to mind.
     
  11. ryoung57

    ryoung57 Off his meds

  12. britx303

    britx303 Boomstick Butcher…..

    Why do illegals only drink hot drinks?.................They don't like ICE.:D
     
    K51000 and BHP41 like this.
  13. pscook

    pscook Well-Known Member

    How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

    1, 2, 3, 4!
     
  14. Cawk Star

    Cawk Star Well-Known Member

    Yes. Plus, now the owner of Dogfish Head as well.
     
  15. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    My gender studies teacher asked how I view lesbian relationships.

    Apparently 1080p wasn't the right answer.
     
    Dragginass, R Acree, scottn and 3 others like this.
  16. ryoung57

    ryoung57 Off his meds


    glue factory.jpg
     
  17. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    This probably wouldn't even work once, but...



    A wife sent a message to her husband: "Don't forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you."

    Husband: Who is Priscilla?

    Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message.

    Husband: But I'm with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are you talking about?

    Wife: Where are you??

    Husband: Near the vegetable market.

    Wife: Wait I'm coming there right now...

    After 10 minutes she texts her husband, "Where are you?"

    Husband: I'm at the office. Now that you are at the market, buy whatever vegetables you need.
     
    fastedyamaha, Chris and K51000 like this.
  18. K51000

    K51000 Well-Known Member

    I was on a ride recently and they had a two piece band, and were playing cover songs.
    I sang along to some of them.
    When they took a break, the girl in the band came over and asked if I could sing a solo for them.

    I said- sure!

    She said- great! So low, we can't hear you......





    (not really me, just a joke)

    I asked a buddy to play golf last saturday morning.
    He said he had something to do, but could change his plans and play.
    We were about to tee off on hole #9. A funeral procession was driving by, and he stopped and bowed his head for the entire time they drove by.
    I said- wow, that is really showing some respect for them.
    He said- it was the least I could do for my wifes funeral.




    (I don't play golf either)

    I'll be here all week
     
    kevinr and Yzasserina like this.
  19. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    A train hits a bus full of Catholic highschool girls

    They all arrive at the pearly gates, waiting in line to enter heaven.

    St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

    St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

    All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line, St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

    The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it..."
     
    R Acree, scottn, K51000 and 3 others like this.
  20. britx303

    britx303 Boomstick Butcher…..

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