I'm going to apply, but, I don't want this job

i got asked to do that one time... i just chuckled at my computer with an eye roll and erased the email. finance job in the mountain bike industry... "please send us a 3 minute video of yourself describing your passion for wanting to work here and why we should pick you." PASS!!!

 

I am passionate for receiving a paycheck in order for me to afford housing and food, and you should hire me because I am willing to trade my time and energy in exchange for money.

 

I got an email a couple weeks ago with a resume attached. In "Preview" I see this:

Cover Lettre:
to who it may concern,
Sorry I havent had a chance to update my resumay. Ive ben vary busy. I need a job bad and am a realy hard worker and fast lerner. Please concider me for ne open prosition. thx.

The resume was 11 years old......

 

indeed. So many of today's youth can't even have a substantial conversation or debate, face to face, if their life depended on it. They are more at home with their face buried in the smart phone screen, sending abbreviated words, and code for words, that don't come close to a real grammatically correct sentence..

 

foreal... its like they'll just spout something off from the hip, then when its crunch time and the heat's on, they just bury themselves into their smartphone... or say they gotta go ride dirtbikes or something...

 

Without going into dungeon territory about how tragic the last paragraph is, I do believe this is the clear winner up until now. Name was removed, but he applied for a sales job at my company a few years ago...........


[redacted]

WORK EXPERIENCE

Dishwasher

Self Employed - Philadelphia, PA - April 2015 to August 2015

Responsibilities
I washed tons and tons of dishes and swept and mopped the floors.

Accomplishments
Excellent impact, I kept the business in good service as customers showed up ready to be served.

Skills Used
I made sure the dishes and floors was squeaky clean.

Babysitter

Self Employed - Philadelphia, PA - June 2014 to March 2015

Responsibilities
I cooked, cleaned, and fed the baby.

Accomplishments
I was a big help so that the mom could work her night shifts.

Skills Used
I was good with the baby...I song to the baby and changed his diapers. I also played fun activities with the baby and put the baby to sleep.

Maintenance guy

Depaul Catholic School - Philadelphia, PA - May 2014 to June 2014

Responsibilities
Take out all the trash, pick up trash on the floors, mop and sweep the hallways and stairways. Clean the bathrooms and vaccum the rugs. Clean the windows down.

Accomplishments
I did everything i was ordered to do and extra. I worked and put more time in than almost any employee there. I take pride in what i do and i believe i do a tremendous job so did others.

Skills Used
Good communication skills, hard work, pride in all the work i did, gave my very best, always was on time, great work ethics, how to work the tools to fix broken material, organizing,cleaning.

Housekeeping

self employed - Philadelphia, PA - January 2014 to March 2014 Responsibilities

I had swept and vaccum the floors. I also moped the floors. Scrubed the toilets and bathtubs,wiped down the tables and picked up all trash. Dusted and stragihtened the couches up.

Accomplishments
A huge impact the house was squeaky clean...completely spottless thanks to my hard work and skills.

Skills Used
Dont leave one inch of dirt no where.

Dishwasher

self employed - Philadelphia, PA - September 2013 to January 2014

Responsibilities
I cleaned tons of plates,pots,pans,forks,spoons,knifes,bowls and i moped the kitchen floors. Also i emptied the trash bags.

Accomplishments
Squeaky clean dishes and floors.

Skills Used
I became a top notch dishwasher and one of the best out of the rest.

Babysitter

self employed - Philadelphia, PA - December 2000 to September 2013

I had to babysit 2 kids while their moms was at work. It was a little difficult but it was fun cause kids love me...im silly around them.

Accountant

Upstar resolutions - Philadelphia, PA - October 2011 to December 2011

Responsibilities
Managing products for clients at staples.

Accomplishments
I made sure the clients had all the products that they needed.

Skills Used
Good leadership and determination, I also was most reliable and responsible. All clients trusted me.

moving man

uhaul - Philadelphia, PA - February 2011 to October 2011

Responsibilities
I would move giant furniture from people houses and load them into the truck.

Accomplishments
A big impact....i moved furniture that some guys i worked with couldnt move.

Skills Used
Leadership and powerful strength.

Telecommunications Specialist

lcd study - Philadelphia, PA - May 2010 to October 2010

I enjoyed interacting with diffrent people. Hearing about people life styles and what they did for a living. I was a good listener with excellent communication skills. I completed the number of phone calls i was suppose to complete and got paid $300 dollars in the end. Hard work really does pay off.

Painter/Laborer

self employed - Philadelphia, PA - May 2007 to September 2010 I had to paint the insides of people houses. I love painting!!!

Photographer

art factory - Philadelphia, PA - July 2010 to August 2010
I went around the city taking pictures of everything like mirals and buildings.

crew worker

art factory - Philadelphia, PA - July 2010 to August 2010
I had to work together with my teammates that was working with me.

musician

Events - Philadelphia, PA - July 2010 to August 2010
I like going around performing songs and writing them at live events in the city.

Hospital maintenance and cleaning guy

sharons clinic - Philadelphia, PA - June 2008 to July 2010

Responsibilities
Sweep, mop, and vaccum the hallways. Pick up trash and clean the bathrooms and the hospital utilities off.

Accomplishments
I helped the clinic stay clean all the time and communicated with people there.

Skills Used
Hardworker who was responsible and reliable to others. Serious and focused on my job and duties.

EDUCATION

High school diploma in English, reading, drama

[redacted] high school - Philadelphia, PA 2005 to 2009

SKILLS

Customer Service (2 years), Cleaning (3 years), Maintenance (2 years), Painting (3 years), Photography (1 year), Telecommunications (2 years), Labor Relations (3 years)

CERTIFICATIONS

Driver permit

I can drive as long as someone over 21 is in the car with me...even know I'm over 21 lol.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Hello, my name is []. Im 26 yrs old and I am the hardest working guy youll ever meet. Im a fast learner and a good listener. Very responsible and reliable. Also Im always on time. Im my own person which mean I only take responsibility for my work and I dont listen to nobody but my boss. I have a little one on the way so it would mean alot to me to have a full time job that pays weekly to help me support my little one and my fiancee. Looking at my resume, you may see that I did almost a little of everything but mostly housekeeping. I am a very outgoing guy who is good with people. I always think on my feet. It would be nice to have my own place, car and everything else. I always dream about it but now is the time to live that dream out and a good job will get me there in life.

 

putting LOL on a resume is hilarious

 

Driver permit lol.

 

So how's he working out?

 

He sounds more accomplished than a lot of sales people I have encountered.

 

I’d be inclined to give him a shot in some capacity. Anyone that can find a way to see his role as a janitor/dishwasher having an impact on the success of the business has my attention, if he seems legit about it.

 

I knowed I shuulda turnt the autocoreect off be4 i scent in that resoom.

I gotta ask. Do I still have a shot? Sory, I dun betr next time

 

He’s our CEO.

 

Sooooo many 3 month jobs.

Also "Accountant" = get pens and notepads ready for orders at Staples.

Also "LOL" is amazing. And driver's permit is amazing.

Call him in for an interview. Record story for why each job lasted 3 months. Bet its golden. Honestly i could probably see giving a dude like that a shot at something if it looked like he'd stick around... the other shit can be overlooked for a menial job, depending. Wasting your time though is another thing for somebody who would just bounce.

 

I won't divulge all my hiring screens, because I'd probably have some snowflake touchy-feely organization staffed by liberal arts PHDs breathing up my ass...

But the first... FIRST... thing I look at is the dates of your last three jobs. If we're still in 2017, I don't even look to see what those jobs were.

I'm not looking for rocket scientists... just people who aren't afraid of work, and who stick around a minute.

 

Sounds like something JRP would post on FB about he and Ms. Hilton.