How much gas is left in your tank?

I don't get the reference...

 

My son had a bunch of things to do yesterday, after-school, basically SSS(haircut) and go to his sister's picture day and he played at the playground the entire time, came home did HW, ate dinner and then sleep. When time to go to brush his teeth, crying, he was like I didn't do anything I wanted to do. I was like being an adult is not much better, and went through my day, and was like did I get to ride a motorcycle or anything that I wanted to do, and it made me think like WTF, who signs up for this hamster wheel...

 

I just finished a book, Bonfire of The Vanities. It's a novel about people living dramatic lives in New York. But what I took away from it (thanks to the title) is that they are all consumed with their own lives, what others will think, how others see them, and they live every day worrying and thinking about it.

It's all a waste of time because nobody even pays attention- they are too busy with their own lives to even notice if your shirt doesn't match your socks. And even if they did notice, nobody gives a shit. And if you died tomorrow, the world would keep right on turning without you, and 90% of the people you see on a daily basis would forget all about it in a week, if that.

So you should find what matters to YOU, and what makes YOU happy, and fuck everyone and everything else. As long as you're not hurting someone, you should do whatever makes you happy, because you're the only one who cares, anyway!

Edit: Disclaimer, I don't have kids. You guys are fucked!

 

All this talk reminded me of a quote I read in an oriental philosophy book https://www.amazon.ca/Bushido-Way-Samurai-Tsunetomo-Yamamoto/dp/0757000266 Bushido : The Way of the Samuraï. If I remember correctly, it states that one should go on about his life keeping in mind that they will eventually die. People often confuse this with the simple hedonistic "live each day as if it were your last", which is not the same. It means that you should make plans that include an exit strategy and make decisions on the greater scale of your entire existence, knowing it is finite.

 

Joe vs the Volcano is a great 90's cult movie with a kickass cast: Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Abe Vigoda, Lloyd Bridges, Robert Stack. You should watch it.

 

That's very close to Vollman's thesis. Many cultures, ours included, shun thinking about our death. The avoidance of planning results in some real bad end-games.

 

Amen brother, pass the sausage gravy.

 

That's it. You're off my festivus card list.

 

No airing of grievances for you.

 

I wouldn't try breathing through your nose...

 

My father died at 55, and most of his siblings late 50's early 60's. My brother at 50. All heart/diabetes. Shitty genetic lottery although, unlike them, I haven't gone through life thinking beer and pork fat are a food group. Had a really good friend of mine drop dead (ruptured aorta, no warning) a couple of years ago at 49, and a female friend just had a heart attack and died in her sleep, also at 49. Me, almost 53 now and feeling like I also am on borrowed time so to speak. Feeling like I should be enjoying life more. The winning lotto #'s would help

 

Thanks Dave. I appreciate it.

 

My low fuel light just came on.

 

Funny how stuff hits you like that sometimes. This is the root of what I am getting at here. I could continue to spin that wheel until the last day, and everybody around me would be just fine with that. But, I have some places to go.

 

I recently went through a scare with my dad. He has his adrenal gland removed (planned), but a blood clot formed in one of the lines that used to go to it. Only a few hours after being released from the hospital, the clot let loose and went up and lodged in his stint from a previous heart attack, and caused another major one. They lost him in the ambulance but brought him back with the paddles and shit.

He was in ICU for a week, then moved to a regular room for another week. He is back home now, slowly recovering.

He feels like he has a lot left in the tank, but he knows he will have to make some changes.

It was hard for me because I have always thought of my dad as Superman. He is 2" taller and 20lbs heavier than me, and strong as an ox. He is an "old school" oilfield hand. That was the first time id ever seen him weak and vulnerable.

 

Realizing your parents are mortal can be a troubling revelation.

 

Contrast that with @NemesisR6 ....yikes.

You know, your good friend could have just as well been like this: At 49 he was stuck with XYZ illness, he was in bed the last 3 years praying every morning for the reaper to knock on the door. I don't think that he actually lost.

 

In my head, he has always been the big dude telling me to just get a bigger hammer, and then taking it from me and swinging even harder than I can. I have always been known for being able to swing the fuck out of a sledgehammer. But my dad could always put me to shame. He grew up doing that shit. So to me, he is that dude.

But then having to help him stand up, seeing him shaking, on oxygen and struggling to breath. I think it all hit me harder than it did him.

But he will be ok. He is the toughest motherfucker I've ever known. My whole life I have thought if I am just half the man he is, I have done something.

 

Sorry man. I get it. After hurricane Irma I drove down to help my parents rebuild. In the following weeks I realized that was able to outwork my dad for the first time in my life and it broke my heart. It took until he was 70. I guess I never realized he was mortal.

Hang in there.