[The following story is based on actual events. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. For example, "Martha Van Horn" is now "Mrs Crotchy Pants"] In the checkout line at TOPS, and the cashier asks me if I have a valu-card.... ME: I do, but not with me... Well, my WIFE does, but she doesn't let me have it. CASHIER: You can use your phone number... Why won't she let you have it? ME: She says I use it irresponsibly and that I can't be trusted. CASHIER: {chuckling} Yeah, I can see where that would be a problem! Mrs CROTCHY PANTS (behind me in line, in confused - or condescending tone, I couldn't tell): Why? It's not a credit card, y'know. You don't BUY stuff with it. It gives you the sale price. ME: (who doesn't know when to shut up) I have an addiction. It's a sales item addiction. I really don't want to talk about it. (cashier and bagging assistant have looks of deer about to be crushed by a car) MCP: That's ridiculous! All the card does is give you the sale price! Don't you know what a valu-card is??? ME: Yes, I know what it is... but sometimes when I see that little yellow tag on the shelf, just DARING me... TEASING me to buy the product on sale, I just can't HELP MYSELF. I once bought 6 cases of Depends because they were %10 off. I don't even use Depends! (cashier is convulsing trying to fend off her laughter) MCP: Well then why the hell did you buy them??? That's stupid! ME: Because I said I have an addiction and can't help myself, ma'am. MCP: Well, I just don't get it... ME: I still have those 6 cases of Depends in my truck. I'll sell them to you for half of what I paid for them. Want 'em??? MCP: (obviously annoyed at this point) I DONT USE DEPENDS, SIR! ME: Maybe not today, but that day is around the corner, isn't it??? You never know when the urge to soil yourself will strike... CASHIER (with tears in her eyes): That'll be $28.37. THE END. hashtag I love going grocery shopping without the wife hashtag she would've hit me 3 times hashtag and told me shut up idiot 7 times
You handled it better than i would have. Just reading about that old nagging bitch getting in your business pissed me off.
Ya, there would have been a "mind your own fucking business" way before the mid point of that conversation.
I thought to myself "WWBD???" but decided I didn't need 37 cans of SPAM and a dozen FDS's... So I opted for sarcasm and entertainment for the staff.
There's a quote out there that goes something like "If I wanted to hear you speak, I'd ram my fist up your backside and work your mouth like ventriloquist dummy!"
