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For your amusement Part II

Discussion in 'General' started by 650 RACER, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. 650 RACER

    650 RACER Well-Known Member

    30 little known facts about Vin Diesel

    Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

    If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

    There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

    Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

    Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

    Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

    Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

    Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

    When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

    Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

    Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

    Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

    It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

    Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

    It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

    Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

    In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

    When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

    Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

    During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him.

    When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
     
  2. Putter

    Putter Ain't too proud to beg

    When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.




    :D
     
  3. Paige

    Paige BBS FF Champ

    LMAO!!!!
     
  4. 650 RACER

    650 RACER Well-Known Member

    30 little known facts about Mr. T


    Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

    If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

    The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

    23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

    The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. And all that he could see was Mr. T. It was the last thing the bear would ever see.

    Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

    When Mr. T does his laundry, Snuggles the fabric softening bear jumps off the label on the bottle and hides in fear of being pitied.

    When Mr. T arrived in Pittsburg, he renamed it Pitysburg. When Mr. T arrived in Secaucus, he renamed it Baracus. And when Mr. T arrived in Delaware, he threw it into the Atlantic Ocean. 64 7.16
    Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

    When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

    Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

    Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

    Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T." Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.

    Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.

    World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

    The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

    There is a 11th commandment, edited out of the Bible, that says "None of the above applies to Mr. T."

    Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.

    Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

    Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

    It is said that there's a little bit of T in all of us. This is partially true, considering that all living organisms evolved from Mr. T.

    Mr. T once had so many fools to pitty that he didn't know what to do with them all. So he created Chuck Norris, from one of his ribs and a pound of gold, to roundhouse kick the surplus of fools in the face.

    George Washington was the Father of the country. James Madison was Father of the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson was father of an illegitimate black child who's descendant is Mr. T.

    When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.

    Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.

    Whenever a sing-along video tells Mr. T to follow the bouncing ball, he pities that ball. The only thing that Mr. T follows is Mr. T.

    Mr. T is what Willis was talkin' about.

    Mr. T got all of his golden jewelry from defeating Misters A through S in hand-to-hand combat and collecting it off of their dead remains. Kinda like that movie "The One", only except there's a lot less jibba jabba and fewer fools.

    Mr T., after many years of market testing and demographic researching, finally decided to enter the fashion world and produce his own line of custom purses. Despite promising projected sales, his company soon shut down after the introduction of their motto, "Women love the T-bag".

    The reason there are no known photographs in existence of a young Mr. T is that he is over 835 years old, and therefore pre-dates cameras. His age is attributed to Death being too scared of Mr. T to come for him. He tried once, but was pitied like a fool, so went looking instead for the next 'T' in his book, Thomas Beckett.
     
  5. Seven+2 1's

    Seven+2 1's Well-Known Member

    Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

    :D :D :clap:
     
  6. Tristan

    Tristan Well-Known Member

    I lost it on this one-
    "Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another. "
     
  7. Tristan

    Tristan Well-Known Member

    And apparently I'm not the only one... :beer:
     
  8. Shenanigans

    Shenanigans in Mr.Rogers neighborhood

    i thought Vin was gay or bi
     
  9. Resident Plarp

    Resident Plarp drittsekkmanufacturing.com

    My hero! :up:
     
  10. Robert

    Robert Flies all green 'n buzzin

    Lets see some creativity here. (you go first) :D




    30 Little Known Facts about DaveK:
     
  11. stickboy274

    stickboy274 Stick-a-licious Tire Dude

    Dave k is 6'11" and over 300 #'s.
     
  12. Lawn Dart

    Lawn Dart Difficult. With a big D.

    DaveK was actually hired to play the seventh midget in Time Bandits. In the original script, he was accidentally trampled by Napoleon's horse, but this scene was cut to save time. DaveK was never credited for his work, which is still a major source of his hostility. Incidentally, the character "Evil" is loosely based on DaveK, yet another thing for which he never received credit. Boy is he pissed off.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2005
  13. Lawn Dart

    Lawn Dart Difficult. With a big D.

    DaveK is a Reuben Xaus fan...

    DaveK once held 8 hostages at a NoVA motorcycle shop for 3 days, using only a packet of ketchup, because the latest addition of Cycle News hadn't arrived yet. You don't f@#k with DaveK's Cycle News...
     
  14. vizsladog

    vizsladog Well-Known Member

    Ditto..but after looking on the net...

    not Gay
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2005
  15. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    Vin Diesel caught herpes from a Hispanic dodo but got rid of them using only duct tape and an illegitimate African child named Dan.
     
  16. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    If you were to supply 1.21 jiggawatts of power to DaveK's sneakers and have him accelerate to 88 MPH, his flux capacitor should activate sending him back to 1955.

    DaveK had his testicles transferred into his eye sockets and his eves transferred to his testicles, because as he put it, "I want to see what I'm getting myself into."

    If one pulls really hard on DaveK's left arm, his eyes begin rolling really quickly and he has a 50% chance of vomiting assorted coins. He hates it when people do this to him.

    Brian Boitano can kick DaveK's ass.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2005
  17. (diet)DrThunder

    (diet)DrThunder Why so serious, son?

    Reuben "The Knob" once went an entire weekend without crashing. This became known as "The day The SV Stood Still."
     
  18. Lawn Dart

    Lawn Dart Difficult. With a big D.

    Many years ago, NASA stopped sending transmissions into space. A research study proved that (diet)DrThunder's voice was 400 decibels higher than a Boeing 747-400, thus loud enough to be heard from Pluto. This saves NASA billions of dollars and hypothetically speaking, if there is life out there, they WILL hear Dave when he talks.
     
  19. (diet)DrThunder

    (diet)DrThunder Why so serious, son?


    WHAT DO YOU MEAN???
     
  20. Lawn Dart

    Lawn Dart Difficult. With a big D.

    I love ya, bro, but you are a LOUD talker. :p

    At Road Atlanta, I could hear you talking to Ryan and Howard over that generator. :D
     

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