Hey man, along with everyone else, sending nothing but positive vibes your family’s way. I wanted to add a couple of things that can get overlooked and hopefully they will help. As far as “education”, check out NCCN (National Comprehensive Cancer Network). It’s comprised of the “heavy hitters” for treating various forms of cancers and most major academic institutions and large community oncology groups follow their guidelines and pathways (to put it in perspective: all of the centers mentioned in this thread: Duke, Hopkins, MD Anderson and Mayo are part of it – so is the Carbone Cancer Center at the University of Wisconsin). They have information about specific cancers, what’s involved with the staging classifications ect. A word of caution – going through the guidelines shouldn’t send you down any rabbit holes, but going into the disease state with classifications can. . .and really quickly – if you find yourself going down that rabbit hole – close out of it, gather yourself up and hit it later (if at all). The guidelines and pathways will be a good source to have conversations with your oncologist about options (and for you to understand if they are doing what the major centers are. . .or not). Second thing – do everything in your power to keep yourself “off an island”. Talk to people, check out support groups ect. It can get real lonely real fast, and a lot of times, we’re our own worst enemies in those situations. A ton of research has gone into treating patients (including looking into some of the intangibles that can affect outcomes (ie positive outlook, being around service animals ect). What is just NOW starting to be looked at, is the effects and tolls that caregivers go through while taking care of their loved ones. PTSD for the caregivers is real (and is not just limited to the family members). I don’t have to tell you to make your wife a priority, but don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. Deep, dark thoughts come with this ride, try to set up a network of those close to you (and not close to you – ie support groups) where you can talk to get them out so they aren’t eating you up. Third, there’s a lot of information that is geared to the patients and caregivers from both the medical side and the pharmaceutical side. There’s a lot a good information that’s free from both of them – everything from scheduling tips for chemo cycles, questions to ask your oncologist, what to expect, and just importantly, the programs that are available to help with the financial side of things. If your wife get’s put on therapy after chemo, find the company who makes that/those therapies and start investigating their patient resources. Finally, oncologists aren’t necessarily known for their bedside manner. Don’t hold it against them, the shit they take home with them would reduce most people to a fetal position. . .for decades. It’s ok to get frustrated. . .you’re going to get angry too. . .just know, there’s no better time in history to be alive than right now for fighting cancer.
My best wishes and positive thoughts go out to your wife and you. Motorman’s hit the nail on the head—good advice.
I lost my brother/best-friend/rock to cancer, 12 years ago. Much advancements since then. My dad survived two different types of serious cancer (RIP from something else). I am surviving very serious cancer. My most Heartfelt prayers, for you guys <3
Suppoort, your job now is to be the worlds brighest beacon, you shine light on her darkest fears. She needs a clear and present reason to live. You are there to support her through this, but you need to encourage her own fight and will. She needs to want this! I was told I had 3, 6, 9 months max. My whole family basically burried me. Its been 25 years! Im praying for her, let her know we are all prayin!
