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Corporate speak

Discussion in 'General' started by Hotfoot, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. Hyperdyne

    Hyperdyne Indy United SBK

    Then you need to "leverage all the synergies of your A players", get them "on the right bus", have them create a tactical BOG strategy, and deliver a solid plan to the BOD that that will achieve the targeted EBITDA numbers provided on slide 52 of the Q1 "deck."
     
  2. motoracer1100

    motoracer1100 Well-Known Member

    “ A” Players don’t ride the Bus ... so that’s out . Sounds like you need to think outside the Bus :D
     
  3. Paige

    Paige BBS FF Champ

    Do we work for the same company?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  4. Jedb

    Jedb Professional Novice :-)

    I can totally see this while you continue to shatter quota.
     
    Fonda Dix likes this.
  5. Hotfoot

    Hotfoot Well-Known Member

    "Deck". Ugh. I hear that one all the time. And the "30,000 foot view". And "light at the end of the tunnel". One of our marketing managers tried to make a graphic in a powerpoint slide to represent the 'light at the end of the tunnel', and when it came up someone next to me whispered "Train!!!" - because it looked exactly like the headlight of an oncoming train - and I thought I would die trying not to laugh out loud. Same manager used to say "we need to put some helium in the brand" and once said, in a meeting full of good ol' boys "it's like we were at Wimbledon and they weren't even on the grass!" The mystified looks were priceless. Oh, and if someone made a big mistake he would say "I though they were going to go get the tree!" (This was meant, as far as I can tell, to imply they were going to 'string him up' from the tree.) He was SURE he was the best communicator on the planet and that his vague analogies were very helpful.
     
  6. Steak Travis

    Steak Travis Well-Known Member

    I wish we had people speaking like that.

    I have to work with the hills have eyes family. One guy is named moose who gets daily porno updates on his phone and can’t pronounce simple English words such as

    Mesh=mash
    Wasps= waspas
    Cicadas= zicade-uhs
    dumbass=Dumb-ace

    Not to mention their inability to problem solve or use computers
     
  7. racesbikes

    racesbikes WTB a Size 50/60 Race Suit

    "We need to present this concept to the client from the top down, so we don't offend their corporate sensitivities, and they embark on taking ownership and engage with this paradigm shift in our thought processes."

    Tazer right to the forehead...
     
  8. tzrider

    tzrider CZrider

    Anybody been in the blue ocean?....
     
  9. Jedb

    Jedb Professional Novice :-)

    Can you please work with me on this?
    The phrase is "Blue Sky Thinking" and since that represents unlimited in up-side and one isn't encumbered by the current constructs.
    If needed, I can send the TLA* report to you so you can get the acronyms correct.

    In the interim, let's put this issue in the parking lot and move on....





    TLA = Three Letter Acronym
     
  10. rd49

    rd49 Well-Known Member

    You haven’t lived until you’ve gotten the greenfields and brownfields spiel.
     
  11. My employer invented TLAs. We are now well past them. These days we do IFLAs, TUFLAs, and BMCSLAs. We then declare them Industry Standards, thus forcing our competitors to adopt them as well.

    It‘s not just a job, it‘s a perplexity :)

    Here‘s an example:

    „Tomorrow we‘ll do an abbreviated OMDT so we can quickly complete the B1C1, leading to an optimal NBIE. If we reach a MLPxQ, we can fasttrack the TTSSECR process, which will ensure a 10-year lock-in at region-level MDDYTY.“
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
  12. motoboy

    motoboy Well-Known Member

    We are a small old family company, so I don't hear most of that crap. The occasional person will say "reach out" instead of "call or email" and the crew leads are referred to
    as either wizards or buddies depending on whether they are expert mechanics or have good people skills. All in all, not too bad!
     
  13. racesbikes

    racesbikes WTB a Size 50/60 Race Suit

    Really....how about "negative feedback loop"?

    That's right up there with "benchmarking" a problem.
     
  14. rd49

    rd49 Well-Known Member

    The nice thing is I retired at the end of 2018, no longer have to hear this bullshit. :D
     
    motoboy likes this.
  15. Venom51

    Venom51 John Deere Equipment Expert - Not really

    So todays adventure involved having someone else walk in to a conference room and declare that "Kenny said I had to come help because there wasn't a bright enough bulb in this room."
     
    Rico888 and KrooklynSV like this.
  16. Metalhead

    Metalhead Dong pilot

    I'm so glad to be a blue collared shlep.

    Y'alls lives are fucked. Lol.
     
    418 likes this.
  17. rd49

    rd49 Well-Known Member

    :D
     
  18. Rico888

    Rico888 Well-Known Member

    heheheheh.....snicker snicker......you surrounded with talent man!!! :D
     
  19. Ouch, that's a tough one.
    "If I wanted incompetence I'd have kept production across the river" while the folks from across the river were also on the call. Not the best motivational speech out there.
    I have to admit I use "lets table this until after the meeting" so I don't have to embarrass people, I'm a bit too nice at times.
     
  20. Everyone calls me Mr Meeting, mainly because I go to very few and call even fewer. I don't need the support of 20 people to "buy into" my "path forward" to take things to "the next level" and "energize the team" :) If things are that important let me know, after two emails back and forth you better pick up the phone/ skype and call me as I stop going back and forth unless its a language barrier and email is the best way.
     

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