If You Don’t Have a Dad, You’re a Bastard

Every year on this day, some good friends and I send one friend a note based upon this thread’s title theme. No one knows who happens to be his father. So far, it hasn’t bothered him.

So, I’m asking for BBS suggestions today, especially if you’re a bastard. Anything particularly stinging is helpful. We need to up the ante.

For reference, his mom was married six times (small country town) and raised by his grandmother.

Thanks for your help, especially you bastards!

 

Huh?
In on page one and I’m watching to see how this thread goes.

 

Send him false paternity test results identifying one of the group as his dad.

 

See, that’s what I’m talking about.

 

Tell him you have a picture of his dad , then send him a picture of your junk

 

Does he have kids? If so send him a picture of Metalhead.

 

That was covered a few years ago.

 

Some threads have the darndess way of going totally opposite of what the OP intended.

 

There’s always the Cartman’s mom strategery...

 

The entire 1988 Denver Broncos? Yes, that’s been done.

 

It should be a picture of said friend with his arm around a giant penis. Preferably with a Christmas theme.

 

While we are on the Subject of tormenting people , i’m Not sure this is a good thing to do. You say it doesn’t bother him , but you really don’t know that .
Back in College there was a guy in our dorm that was a “ little strange “ and everyone fucked with him quite a bit . About 4 years or so after college, he SNAPPED and killed four people of a family of six . When he was apprehended, he said the only thing he regretted was that the other two got away . I now try not to F@ck with people unless they really deserve it

 

Like matching Christmas sweaters.

 

As a 50 year old bastard whose mom probably fucked half of the poor bastards that were in training at Ft. Polk in 1967 before they headed off to die in SE Asia, I doubt you're going to hurt the guy's feelings whatever you send him.

Maybe an old letter ostensibly sent by his mom to his sperm donor warning him that if he ever contacts them she'll have him arrested for... some ridiculous and disgusting reason... bestiality, or something along those lines. You might need to do that next year as the setup would take some time... aging the paper, etc.

 

Several years ago I went to visit one of my customers down in Florida and I brought my newly adopted 11 year daughter.

This guy is kinda like a C level "most interesting man in the world", hes like the guy you'd read about getting his dick stuck in a hot tub or getting bit by a shark at sea world. Always getting into something mildly retarded.

So I hand my Daughter his business card and prep her to go into his company office.

She walks into the main lobby and talks to his secretary.
"Hi, I'm looking for this man" holds up business card.
Secretary says "for what?"
"Uhmm he was in Las Vegas 12 years ago for an aviation conference and briefly knew my mother, all she had was this business card when he left in the morning"

 

Palpatine?
Cortez?

 

He about had a heart attack. Mostly cause he literally had to second guess the whole situation.

I'll still have one of my other kids call him up and say "I'm looking for my dad"

 

That's vicious...but funny as f@ck!