Advice from the beeb on homing a parent

With my old man we went the care in home route
It wasn’t perfect and he did get socially isolated after my mum died but those carers really took care of him As I wasn’t able to be there for him

Now facing a repeat with the In Laws with some dementia thrown for the FIL
No savings and they don’t want to lose the house to pay for the home but that’s what it’s going to come to

 

I don't know what movie that is, but, yeah... right now I think death would be a kindness.

I am now more resolved than ever to handle my own business before I get to that point.

 

Call them. You will be no worse off if you hadn't.

 

My father passed in November

 

Whoops yes, I didn't realize the time jump either. Sorry about your father.

 

Sidebar...when did homing become a verb?

 

Apparently when you were asleep.


home

verb
homed; homing
Definition of home (Entry 4 of 6)

intransitive verb

1: to go or return to one's place of residence or origin : to go or return home (see HOME entry 1) let us home
2: an animal : to return accurately to one's native area of place of birth or origin from a distance : to return home The salmon will home to spawn.
3: to move to or toward an objective by following a signal or landmark —usually used with on or in missles homing in on a target mariners … sought the dark spires of Oakland's redwoods to home on— J. W. Noble
4: to proceed or direct attention toward an objective science is homing in on the mysterious human process— Sam Glucksberg

 

My 83 year old mom is showing signs that her Parkinson's/dementia is catching up to her. Questions: Let's say she has 25k in the bank and her house is paid off, she has social security and my dad's union pension. If she gets placed in a nursing home, does she pay the nursing home the difference between what her care costs and what medicare covers? Is the social security and pension signed over to the state? Then, when her 25k runs out, do they make her sell her house to cover the cost of care beyond what medicare pays? This is a tough question to ask, but my brother and I don't have anyone that knows: What happens if she sells the house (about 175k) and she passes soon after, does the state keep it all? I tried to get her to put everything in my name and my brother's name years ago, but she wouldn't/didn't do it until a couple years ago. It's only been in the last few weeks that her health and cognitive abilities have fallen off of a cliff.

 

The medicare and social security won't pay much, so don't be hopeful there. When the cash runs out and she has no other way to pay the bills, the state can seize the house and use that for cash. First things first, go pay for 100% of the funeral expenses NOW with her 25K.

I would suggest finding a lawyer who deals in this stuff. When my grandmother was placed into a home, we were lucky to find an attorney who was able to prevent the state from taking her house, land, vehicles, etc. She was placed in a pretty nice home until all the liquid money ran out, or at least what they could get. We moved about 45K out of her accounts and the state wasn't able to get it. Once the money ran out, she had to be moved to a different facility that the state would pay for. Wasn't as nice as where she was, but....the gubment was paying so.....

As others said.....visit often and at different times. If they know you have a certain schedule, the staff will pick up on it quick. If they never know when you might come in and or how often, she'll mostly always be presentable. Just our experiences in NC.

 

She has already paid for and made all of her funeral arrangements. I'll have to check on power of attorney over her finances, not sure if she gave that to my brother or not.

Finding an attorney now is a great idea, I'll start on that tomorrow.

Same thing happened to my grandmother (mom's mom). When the liquid money ran out, she went from a nice place to a not-as-nice place, but my mom visited her often. When Grandma got bad and they moved her to the not-as-nice place, mom would not let my brother or I visit. She said she didn't want us to see Grandma that way, but mom did visit Grandma with my at-the-time wife, now ex-wife. Grandma deteriorated quickly, but I can see my mom deteriorating more quickly.

Thank you for your thoughts and ideas.