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Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!

Discussion in 'General' started by Pepe Le Ghey Pew, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    Got it, but why would lightning shoot out of his ass?
     
  2. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    Holy non-sequitur Batman...
     
  3. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    Seriously I think it would be more rhythmic with 164 instead of 144+20. JMO, but I didn't bother googling so there may be a different interpretation I didn't consider.
     
  4. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    ... aaaand I found the 'correct' answer which makes sense. But my method worked as well, which I won't reveal just yet so others can enjoy the Sunday morning mental gymnastics.
     
  5. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck


    There seems to be no interest in this one... Sad.

    A dozen, a gross, and a score
    Plus three times the square root of four
    Divided by Seven
    Plus five times eleven
    Is nine squared, and not a bit more.
     
    panthercity likes this.
  6. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    My attempt at a solution was off by a bit:

    A dozen plus one sixty four
    Plus three times the square root of four
    Divided by Seven
    Plus five times eleven
    Is nine squared plus nothing more.

    Didn't think of gross and score. I enjoyed wrestling with it FWIW.
     
    panthercity and auminer like this.
  7. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    It works!
     
    panthercity likes this.
  8. gixxernaut

    gixxernaut Hold my beer & watch this

    Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.
     
    tiggen likes this.
  9. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    I thought I had a good joke about the Jonestown massacre.......



    But the punch line was too long o_O
     
    condon66, britx303 and tiggen like this.
  10. rd400racer

    rd400racer Well-Known Member

    One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
     
    condon66, gixxernaut and britx303 like this.
  11. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

    I'm totally going to do this at Union Station this weekend with the pigeons down there!!!!!

    [​IMG]
     
    Potts N Pans, BHP41 and badmoon692008 like this.
  12. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

    :crackup: That is good. Do it. :D
     
  13. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

    A hotel guest called the front desk, and the clerk answered, "May I help you?"

    The guest said, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to the room right away. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

    The desk clerk said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but that's really a personal problem."

    The guest replied, "Listen, Buddy, the window won't open, and that's a maintenance problem."
     
  14. auminer

    auminer Renaissance Redneck

  15. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

    This is a true story. The officials that read it might get it right away.

    I was the Starter at NHMS's Vintage Celebration. The road course days had alternating sessions between the cars and the motorcycles. When the bikes were on course, the SCCA guy who ran the false grid for the cars was the Turn 1 flagger.

    I started a bike race and he immediately started waving the yellow flag in Turn 1. Control told him to stop waving the flag.

    Second race, the same thing happened. Control told him to stop waving the flag again.

    At the start of the third race, he did it yet again. Once again, Control told him to stop waving the flag.

    Then there was this exchange:

    Control: "Turn 1, why do you keep waving the yellow flag at the start of the race?"

    Turn 1: "Because you told me to."

    Control: "When did I say that? I have no idea what you're talking about."

    Turn 1: "Every time the race starts, you say 'All off, one wave.'"

    :rolleyes:
     
    Sabre699 likes this.
  16. tiggen

    tiggen Things are lookin' up.

    A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, "Is this stool taken?"
     
  17. Banditracer

    Banditracer Dogs - because people suck

  18. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

  19. bpro

    bpro Big Ugly Fat F*****

    I really want to ask you what you won... but I can't find the thread
     
  20. Johnny B

    Johnny B Cone Rights Activist

    Too bad....
     

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