Serious questions: Relapse Dilemma

I would leave him be until he says "I am ready to get sober and need some help" and make sure it is genuine.

 

Good for you. I applaud this.





Disregard this smilie. It's a long story.

 

You and him are much better off if you spent the bail money on counseling for you and any family members trying to "help" him. If he's interested in rehab after jail, use a portion of the saved bail fund to help towards that, and nothing else.

Having attempted to help a few close friends with addiction, I can say now that there isn't much you can do if they don't want to do it for themselves.

 

Many addicts can't/won't quit until they hit rock bottom. This has potential to be his rock bottom, but if you bail him out... then he skated off easy again and didn't hit those rocks.

This may or may not fit his situation, but just throwing it out there as something to ponder.

 

First hand experience.

1.) Don't help him out of the situation, let the full brunt of the consequences of his actions hit him. It's the ultimate reality check!

2.) This will motivate him to take corrective action for himself. Not to get the old lady off his back. Not because the boss is threatening to fire him. Because he's fucking tired of his situation and he wants to improve it for himself.

3.) Different people have different levels where they hit their "bottom".

29 years for me next month.

 

Left my sister in jail for a week after she got picked up for DUI the second time. Got her car out of impound in two days, she was not happy that the car was out, but I let her sit there. She has also stayed sober since, 8 months. I would have left her in jail longer but dad was visiting from Florida. Figured he should get to see her. She did 38 days after pleading guilty.

 

After never touching the booze in my teens and twenties, I got into heavy drinking when I was in my early 30's…i was living the 'high life' in FL when it was really great to live there (Pompano, Ft. Lauderdale), so yes it was the bars and nightclubs and plenty of women, night after night, and i didn't have whatever it took at the time to resist…I was going nowhere fast…one day- yes, before noon, about 11:30 AM, I walked down the street and into a dockside bar, kinda nice, the boats were all tied up outside, and I ordered a vodka-and-tonic…as I sat there waiting for the drink, my eyes became adjusted to the low light inside…there, sitting across from me, were two people, a man and a woman, kinda smooching a bit, each with a drink in their hand…and then I saw their faces, all beat the fuck up and looking like old worn out baseball gloves, and just at that same moment in time, the bartender put the vodka-and-tonic in front of me and I automatically picked it up…the smell of it made me gag, and I almost threw up on the spot…I put the glass down, put a ten-spot on the table and got up and walked out, forever…it was done, the drinking-without-control…whatever it was, it woke me up from a three year stupor…of course I've had a drink since then, usually a glass of wine, and every now and then I'll celebrate something important, but the 'grip' was broken, all from that one brief enlightening encounter with the apparition of what I would have become.
…just though i'd share that wth you.

 

^^^This is really all you need to know^^^

Let him fall and face the consequences of his actions on his own....

He either gets it or he won't....It might be his bottom....might not....but, it's not your responsibility to decide for him....

31 years for me...one day at a time....

 

I don't have any answer to the question. But respect for those who are successful in their recovery and are willing to share their experiences.:up:

 

I didn't see anyone over there knocking people who want help or want to help others. I saw people frustrated with those who think their addiction is worth dying for.

I vote against bailing this guy out. Court orders to attend AA are probably the best thing for him. The adult court docket is public information. Check it regularly and show up to your friend's hearings. Reconnect and let him know you're there to support him when he wants to start over. He has to initiate his own recovery, but you can let him know he doesn't have to complete it on his own.

 

Let him sit.

Jail's not a fun place to be -- it's not supposed to. But odds are, nothing really bad's going to happen to him in lock-up. And maybe, just maybe, it'll be the rock-bottom he needs to commit to sobriety.

 

Support your friend staying sober...don't help him to stay drunk. Until all my friends, family, relatives, wives, girlfriends, teachers, judges, lawyers, (fill in the blank) said "We love you and care for you but we have had ENOUGH of your behavior" I didn't see the need to change. After all, someone would bail me out...they always did. That last time....March 22, 1982 I was on my own. I had a decision to make and a responsibility to myself. It wasn't about me getting my wife back or my job or losing my house and my car and my freedom....It was about my life. Don't take this opportunity away from your friend. It will be the best gift you ever gave him. Jails, institutions and death...that all the future he has if he doesn't make a decision to live. God bless you both.

 

OK, I assume you mean gay. My brother went through the same when he finaly acknowledged his orientation. In his case it was the result of a long struggle of what he had been brought up expecting of life and what he faced in the future regarding family, friends, kids, etc. He needs help, but only if he is ready. The self destructive behaviour may be the clash between life expectations and reality. Someone else mentioned hitting rock bottom. For your friends sake, I hope this is his, because I have seen people go a lot further down.

 

Unfortunately, I have seen him much, much worse. But at that time it was drugs.