Caring for Parents

I am helping my mother and father care for my grandmother who has damentia. My mother and father are up in age also, so in my eyes I'm helping them all. Grandmother has no real use of any of her limbs. I have to lift her into bed, into her wheelchair and to the couch. I work my normal job also. Grandmother doesn't sleep thru the night and cries a lot, which comes with the sickness she has. We have spent so much time feeding her and caring for her that my mother has aged 5years it seems in 3 months. We have an adult baby sitter now that comes three times a week for 4 hours a day. Its not much. Ut its huge to my parents. My mom is 63, dad is 60 and mamaw 81. We lost my uncle may 22, my grandfather about a month ago. Seems after those two deaths so close mamaw has kindly given up. She was married to my papaw for 64 years. We promised her no nursing home sometime ago but now its almost a have to. Hardest thing I think I have ever witnessed. The adult babysitter is working ok for now tho.

 

the beeb never ceases to amaze me......just when I think this place can't get any better or more diverse in the topics discussed...

I was adopted and raised by my grandparents, so they are my parents to me. Dad has been slowly going downhill with dementia and mom was recently diagnosed with lung cancer...in fact she's laying in the hospital right now recovering from a procedure to drain some fluid from around her lung and gather more tissue samples for testing....

Anyway, the family has been dealing with all of the same issues it seems a lot of you are, how to care for dad (in my case) since he can't be left alone, while now having to worry about mom. I know the strain of taking care of him has worn her down.....she's taken him to daycare places before, but he hates going....

I think we have finally convinced her to have an in-home type of care provider come in, at least during the day. It's not a round the clock situation yet, but he can't really be left alone. She's be able to put a movie on for him and run some errands, but along with the dementia, physically he's getting weaker too.

We are looking into home providers now, so it's awesome to open up the beeb and see all of this cool info....

 

Sorry to hear Rick, I don't have anything to offer other than a prayer, stay strong etc.

 

Don't have any advice to add. Sorry to hear and best wishes.

 

Not to piggyback, but it seems like this thread is about helping people so...

My grandfather was recently put into an assisted living facility, and is using his assets to pay for it ( which is ok, he has some money and we dont need to inherit it or anything).

However, he is a veteran and entitled to some assistance. I have his DD-214, but dont really know where to get started. He is in Central NC, is there someone in that area you can link me up with who can help me figure out how to get going on his VA claim?

 

you still have that coffee pot to keep in the garage?


a lot of my family is in healthcare, there are a lot more resources now than there was even 5 years ago. Lots of "seniors helping seniors" programs. They will not be nurses but mostly companionship and supervision but the cost seems very affordable. Not a long term solution but may save some $$ in the short term until she needs more acute care.

 

Try here: http://www.veteranshomecare.com/

They're helping my MIL a lot... her spouse was a Korean War vet, that matters. I don't have all the deets. But try that website.

 

Go to your local county Veteran's Service Office. Every county government has one. They can give you the straight skinny and they really want to help. Also, check with your local veterans group, ei: VFW, American Legion, DAV Disabled America Veterans, VVA Vietnam Veterans Association, etc. They can tell you where to go for the best help locally.
Don't deal with the VA directly first!

 

We r dealing with similar situation. Dad (81) had been my moms primary care giver, she has dementia. Well dad had a stroke Sat night. Been at emory all week, moms now living with us. It's overwhelming. Although I've never raced wera I've been a member here awhile, alwys saying I will race next year etc... Love the beeb you guys always are so supporting and informative its simply inspiring. So tonite I log in and read thru some threads and find this one. It's amazing. I will continue to follow for the good ideas to come. Thx.

 

I have nothing to add,

But I would like to commend each and every one of you that takes care of your elderly parents. While the norm in other countries, taking care of parents have basically gone down the drain in this country.

 

Correct. Elder law attorney is worth every penny- and a good one is not cheap.

 

I never thought about that. Being in an old folks home with everybody of similar age in this town would probably be a laugh-riot.

I feel better about growing old now.

 

you should invest in a BEEB only retirement home!

have separate wings for the general, dungeon. ICU for the vintage/two stroke people!

Put Dave K, cortez, and metal together in the padded room.

 

Thanks for the input to all of you. Those who have provided contact info, I will be in touch. I head to NC to pick her up on Saturday.

 

I took care of my mother in law for several years. One thing you really need to have (if you don't already) is Power of Attorney for her finances and even a medical power of attorney that will let you make decisions and talk to her doctors. Mom in law lived with us for a couple years and then it just got to be too much. She was a diabetic and her kidney transplant failed after 12 years. I was checking her blood sugar, giving her shots, meds, cooking all her meals for her and taking her to all her doctor's appointments and dialysis 3 days each week. It was a full time job. However, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world as I know that the care we gave her gave us several extra years with her. There is a time when the family member just needs more care than what you are capable of giving. She loved the assisted living home and was there until she fell and broke her hip. From there she went into a nursing home for rehab and between that and the dialysis not working anymore, pretty much gave up. I wish you all the best with her. Remember though, you will need to take a break every now and then and we would have caregivers come in during the day when we needed to.

 

Good advice and direction already given. Though I would add this: whatever decisions you make pertaining to your mom's care, be sure that you and you sister/siblings have had conversations prior to. Make the decisions "family decisions". Also, make sure mom's will is in place and a health care proxy named now. If not, and should her health decline, it becomes difficult to make any of those changes later.

The last 5 years, I've helped to care for my mother and father during their battles with cancer, and my grandmother during end-stage Alzheimer's. I know the situation you find yourself in. Good luck, and good thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this transition in your life.

 

As others have stated get some financial planning advice. We had to bankrupt my grandfather to get Medicade because we just didn't know the rules.

My experience is all from Florida about 20 years ago. At the time the best resource was the church. They had a community chest of loaner medical equipment and somebody came by from the church a couple times a week. That was great stimulus for my grandfather and really helped his spirits. He landed a girlfriend out of it and they cohabitated to effectively make themselves independent within our home. That reduced my burden to everything needed from outside the home. Still, my sanity was really pushed at times.

Rick, I'm around this weekend and my Sunday is wide open if I can be of any help.

 

Thank you to all who have offered information advice and prayers. Mom passed yesterday just after noon. The last couple weeks were really bad. Yesterday her face finally showed she was at peace.

My wife was awesome. It was her idea to bring her to the house and I will be eternally grateful for the time, love and compassion she showed in caring for my Mom. Bring her to our house was rough, but absolutely the right thing to do.

Again, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

 

Sorry to hear, Rick. Also glad she was at peace.