Yesterday The Ol Lady informed Me that there was a spider as big as a baseball in Our upstairs tub. I asked Her did She get rid of it and She said "Pff. That's YOUR job". I said "Eff THAT. I ain't effing with no spider THAT damned big". She said She'd never have sex with Me again if I didn't get rid of it. I gave Her My best 'Eastwood Glare', and sulked upstairs to do My duty. When I got to the tub, with the 'evil trio' in tow, I looked down, and there was a spider there about the size of a nickel. I looked back at the Woman and went "THAT?! You're afraid of THAT?!". She said "YES! KILL IT!". I looked down at the children and told them "Kids, We don't kill stuff in this house unless it's something dangerous to Us. This little guy ain't hurting nothing, so, We'll take Him outside and let Him go". I turned to the Woman and hissed "Get out of the way Woman" and She took a step back bowing slightly. Then She smacked Me on the neck. I grabbed a wad of tissue, bent over the tub and lightly pinched the spider into it, then headed downstairs to take the spider outside. Once out on the deck, I squatted down and told the kids it's best just to let the natural critters live because they do Us more good than harm. Then I gently unfolded the tissue and.... The spider jumped onto My forearm. I started screaming like a chick going "EEK! GET IT OFF! EEEK!" while running in place, and beating the Hell out of My arm with the other arm to the point that bones were snapping in half. After about three minutes of that, I paused to see if it was gone. I was panting and sweating and swearing. I looked at the others and said "DO YOU SEE IT?! DO YOU SEE IT?!". The ol Lady pointed at Me and screamed "IT'S ON YOUR SHOULDER!". I screamed "EEK!" like a chick again, and in one awesome assed move, I ripped My T-shirt off with both hands and chucked it over 400 feet. I don't know if You've ever tried to throw a T-shirt any distance at all, but, I'm willing to bet that most of Us, unless We have a spider on Us, could maybe chuck it thirty feet or so. I'm calling The Guiness People tomorrow to see if that's a record. Anyway, so, I'm standing there still all freaked out. My hair is all 'bozo-ed' out from the T-shirt ripoff, My arm is dangling from the broke bones, I've got scratches all over Me, and I'm pouring sweat. I look at Them and go "ANYTHING?!". The Boy points at Me and goes "It's on Your head". They found Me three hours later lying face down next to a creek. They told Me I freaked and went running off through the woods knocking down trees and shit. I hate spiders. The end.
I was doing some work to my retaining wall last summer. I moved a block and this dude popped out. That's a 10" wide block. I just got a beer and left him alone.....still shaking!
God I despise spiders. I know they serve their purpose and such, but good Lord I despise them. Rank them right up there with snakes and scorpions. Will never understand having spiders, especially tarantulas, as pets.
I've found about 5 black widows in my garage/house in the last month. With a 2.5 year old that wants to touch every bug out there.....they got the "squish"
Reminds of a time years ago when I went squirrel hunting. Early morning, just getting daylight, walking up through the woods...I duck under a limb and as I raise up my face is in a spider web and my nose is an inch from a black widow. I take 2 steps back, click the safety and shot the damn thing. Turned around and went home. I hate spiders. I can catch and handle snakes with no problem. I have issues with spiders.
My wife goes bat shit if there's even a wolf spider around her. Last year I walked out side and one of these guys had made a web from the boxwood to the lamp post. Pretty wild looking...
Used to catch black widows when I was 8 or 9 for a guy that was using them for research. Paid me a quarter each, that was good money in the 60's. Love those garden spiders, had one set up by the back gate and moved it to the garden so I wouldn't trash the web all the time.
Reminds me of my spider incident, had left my work boots outside to air out after a hard days project. The next morning I go to put them on, left one slips in fine but the right felt funny, pull my foot out and go digging with my hand to see what's up..........Oh I felt 'something', I don't know why but I figured it was probably a used tissue or something and to my delight as I open my hand it was at least 3" across....damn nearly ran through the glass door.
I killed a Black Widow on my bike a few days ago with brake cleaner. And now that I read this thread it reminds me that I had a dream last night that there were Black Widows in my mouth (I remember why and how they got there, but it's just too crazy and weird to try and explain a dream). Crazy. I must have swallowed a spider in my sleep last night.
