Question for Married Guys who race

How do you guys get to ride as much as you like without your wife using her Jedi manipulation powers to guilt you out of it before you even go?

My standard weekend is me wanting to go ride (even just half a day at the MX track). When I mention it, she doesn't say no, she just goes "well I guess BUT it wouldn't be my choice, etc, etc....I end up defeated.

I have tried getting her involved, but when she goes she just sits there or stays in the car. Her standard response if I go without her is she would rather spend the day together. Which means she stays in bed until 9:30 then we sit around the house and do nothing.

How do defeat her powers without feeling like a douche or dumping her.

Cheers

 

curb, put her shit on it.

 

Balls. Grow a pair.

 

Says the homeless guy.

-jim

 

Says the guy who writes blogs about his dreams and whose own marriage failed.

Dude - maybe you could have had constructive input from your experience, but instead you chose to take the route of the douche.

 

Is it the money or the time?

For me, money is def tight since we are on a single income so I picked up a side job to pay for 100% of it.

The time away is compensated by more quality time together (whatever that means).

I think that my wife struggled with the time because she could not relate as she did not have a steady hobby - until recently she started running and doing 5k races... That really helped me out b/c she understood the time commitment to success.

Does she have any hobbies that dont involve you?

 

I went to a race once without my then girlfriend, now wife, at Gratten...We lived in Southern Maryland, it was a long haul, she was crying as I pulled out of the driveway...

She said, "What happens if something happens to you?"

I said, "Honey, stop that, I'm bulletproof, and besides, the last thing I'd be thinking about exiting this world is you anyway, it'll be fine..."

And off I went. As luck would have it I actually got hit up there in what would pass for turn 2 running counterclockwise that weekend, got the bike straightened out and exited the track at a pretty good clip trying to save it...Barely breathing on the rear brake and ass off the seat just letting the thing move around I manage to collect it up and get back on the track and finish the race...

Upon getting home I told her about it and I asked her if she knew what I was thinking about as I was flying across that grass hoping that bike would stay upright...She said, "Me?"

I said, "Nope, just the same thing kept going over and over in my head, 'I can save this, I can save this, I can save this..."

I thought it was pretty funny at the time, her? Not so much...

That was 1987. That's the only race she ever missed. She once scored a six hour by herself at Pocono, that's cruel and inhuman...

Every race I've entered since 1985 she has been at with the exception of that Gratten race, she loves it, she loves the people, she loves being a part of it...

Suffice it to say I married her...

I can't imagine wrestling on the homefront over racing, it's just a no habla thing, I don't get it. I can't imagine how hard that would be...Hope you find a way to make it work.

 

Are you actually married? I only ask because you said "dump her", not divorce her.

Kids?

Age?

The sitting in the car thing seems childish.

 

I do.

Express to your wife "why" it is that you like to ride, and why it is important to you. Ask her for her support in your endeavor. Communication is key.

 

I heart train wreck threads.

 

You're right. That was a blunt answer and I was being a douche. My advice would be to stay away from motorcycles from the beginning. But there's really nothing constructive to say at this point. You're an addict. And an addict will do or sacrifice anything to get his fix. It may take decades but eventually you'll end up alone and broke because of your habit. You can either say fuck it and keep feeding the monkey or go cold turkey. I've seen the later done but it's not easy. Good luck to you.

 

Tell her to get a life of her own(interest/hobbies), and for the record, shopping is not a hobby! If she is co-dependant, you are SOL!

Motorcycles are a passion of mine, and part of the package so my wife accepts it. Having said that, I am open to her having as much "her" time and spending money on what she wants, so it has to be a trade off.

 

This is a constant struggle in my household especially since I have 2 young kids. As someone else mentioned, you need to make sure that you spend quality and I mean quality time with your family when not racing and be willing to make some compromises (I am still working on this after many many years of marriage). I have found that it helps to put a schedule together over the winter and then actually share that with my wife. I put together what would be an ideal schedule for me and then I put together what I believe is a minimum then we map out everything else as best we know for the year (vacations, kids activities, etc...). From there we begin the negotiations which for me ends up being on track either racing or track days on average once a month. I would like to do more but I also have to realize that the track is not exactly the most family friendly environment in terms of activities for the kids to do during the day, etc...

One other thing that I am in the process of doing is to get my son into riding. I just bought him a 70cc and will now have a little father son bonding time at the super moto track

 

When we 1st started dating, I was a street rider, then we got married, I was still a street rider, few years later I was a track day/street rider, more years later, just a track day rider.

My entire life around my immediate family it was noithing but bikes from grandfather all the way to me and some of my sisters, cousins and uncles included. there was NOTHING she could say or do

Besides I wear the pants in this house, when she isn't home, but atleast I get to wear them every so often

 

Ask her if she would rather have you ride bikes or other women.....

 

As far as kids go do you know how many happy, well adjusted kids I've seen grow up at a track? I know one woman, now a mom, who I've known since she was a little brat on a quad who swears it was the best thing in the world and that she had 150 uncles looking out for her at the track...One of my buds always brought his son along and he grew up and started racing, he was a great kid...Make it part of the family experience or whatever...The kids would grow up in a great environment and they can learn a lot from racing that applies to life...

Racing's work, they learn work, racing is responsibility, they learn responsibility, and racing is a no-excuses environment, the stopwatch and the checkered flag doesn't lie, they learn that too, and racers are a tight community, they get that as well...Pretty good place for youngsters to learn those things it seems to me...

 

First, I waited until the kids were grown. It is not fair to make children than expect somebody else to do all the work of raising them.

Then I just started doing track days. My wife likes some solitude time, so she has come to appreciate that the time I spend racing and doing track days is free time for her to visit friends and family, work on hobbies, hang out and rest, whatever.

She used to ride, so she understands the passion, even if it faded for her.
It may be more fashionable to say some abusive shit, but any decent relationship has a lot of breathing room in it.

The only time I EVER get any crap about not calling in or about my whereabouts is if I have already said "I'll be back at 6:30 on Monday." and I am still on the road at 10 PM and forgot to call. That pisses her off. If I don't say when I will be back, she would not even think about it for about a month or so.

As far as the money goes, we have kept our money separated for 27 years successfully, so that is never an issue at all. We contribute evenly to all common expenses, we earn decent incomes independently, and we vacation together. We just returned from 9 days in Italy, seeing the sights, it was great. I didn't pressure her to do any motorcycle-related stuff beyond waiting for a few minutes while I bought a shirt at the Ducati Cafe in Rome and she was pretty cool about me keeping the SuperPole qualifying on the TV in the hotel playing for hours.

 

Thanks guys. Very good inputs. I appreciate the honest input. I asked b/c I know many of other guys have gone through this.

I am married, I love her very much and divorce is not even a consideration. I want to fix the problem not quit the problem.

Chumbucket - you are the man. That is awesome. I have been trying to get her "involved" but I have failed miserably. To her it is just my hobby, and she doesn't make any attempt to be involved when she goes, she just tolerates.

It is not at all a money issue, it is just time. Unfortunately, my job takes a lot of my time, so normally, I don't ride b/c I want to spend time with them (wife and 9 month old). However, in todays case, we just got back from vacation, so we have spent tons of time together.

Realize, I spend little time riding as it is.

It seems like the word "motorcycle riding" comes out of my mouth and her defenses go up.

 

I was going alone at first, then the wife while my parents kept the kids. then as i got into it more (acquired more stuff other than throwing it all in a pickup bed) I got an enclosed trailer and she came with me and the kids most times too.

Last year I bought a toy hauler (large 5th wheel RV) everyone goes. the kids 8-14 in age watch movies, TV, whatever in the RV or play around the pit area if there are other kids and my wife pits for me. We may try to make a family mini vacation out of it if we can.

For instance, we came from central Alabama to do STTs Nashville under the lights on a Fri-Sat weekend. Since we were in Nashville, we drove on up to Kentucky to see Mammoth Cave. We left the trailer at the track and picked it up on the way home.


The RV made it a lot easier as she and the kids are more comfy, but it was not a cheap investment.
The wife and family make scarifies for me, and I do likewise.

P.S The worst crash I have had to date (and I hope ever) was approx 120 mph at Barber and I was at the track alone. the thought going through my mind was not of the wife, kids, or I can save it.

No it was - hey, you are gonna lowside, nope, make that a highside, followed shortly there after by Earth-sky Earth-sky, and don't stop rolling till the bike does cause it is chasing you

 

give her a stack of cash and tell her you'll be home before she can spend it. Works every time. Chicks love a challange.